The Fantasies of Haruhi Suzumiya
by Tenmos
Summary: An extension of the Sigh of Suzumiya arc. The brigade continues filming for the movie, shenanigans included. Meanwhile, Kyon wonders why Haruhi has gained a sudden interest in his and Yuki's relationship. [Reviews help. Leave one if you liked or hated. Or not.]
1. Chapter 1

"I don't think I ever want to see a camera again."

The film festival had come and passed, with our film, of course, causing a bit of a commotion, in no small part due to Asahina's… choice of costume. The entire process of editing that convoluted piece of crap was tiring just to think about. I had to pull an all-nighter just trying to make the damn thing coherent. But now that the festival was over, I finally had a chance to sit back and relax. Which I would have done had I not seen the costumes and recording equipment packed inside her travel bag.

"I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but I don't think you're gonna live that fantasy out anytime soon." Koizumi chuckled as he broke me out of my thoughts and began one of his world-famous rants. Much to my dismay.

"It appears that Ms. Suzumiya has genuinely become interested in filmmaking. I don't believe she'd leave all that stuff in here just for show. Something tells me we've got another long week ahead of us. At least we'll get some more quality time together."

There's a nightmare.

"You have to admit, it complements her outlook on the world quite well. Her passion for anything having to do with the supernatural and extraordinary does lend itself useful in the film world."

Yeah, it does, when the person behind those thoughts has enough common sense to distinguish between something impossible and something that's real.

Speaking of real, here comes Asahina in that killer maid outfit. Just in time to cut in before Koizumi could continue his long-winded monologue that I honestly couldn't take anymore of.

"Yes, I agree! Suzumiya has become more passionate about this than anything else in her life thus far. Maybe this is what leads to- oops! That's classified. Sorry." As she bent down to leave my cup of tea on the table, I had a front row seat to the gates of heaven themselves. I lifted the mug to my face as I took a sip.

Ah, this one's almost good. She still had time to learn, but soon enough, she'll be perfect wife material.

This is the life. I believe every man can appreciate drinking a nice cup of tea while having a perfect view of two of the greatest twin peaks in the world. To have my face tucked inside just once would allow me to die happy in this inf-

"What are you smiling about, pervert? It's everyday with you, isn't it?"

And just like that, the peace was over. Or as close to peace as you can get with Koizumi around. Haruhi practically bounded to her chair as she pulled out Mikuru's nurse outfit.

"C'mon Mikuru! It's time to strip! Stop struggling, you know you enjoy this just as much as I do!"

Knowing the drill, I'd already been out of the clubroom by the time Haruhi had begun to remove anything too revealing. After Asahina had finished her forced changing, Haruhi had called a meeting to discuss what today's schedule had in mind

"Listen up! The festival's over, but it doesn't mean we're done with this movie! We're not focused on some tiny premiere at a school event. We're going for studio recognition! People will come to us for live-action anime movies!" She began to grope Asahina wildly, which of course, elicited whines from her as she began to be thoroughly molested by Haruhi.

"And with these babies by our side, there's no way anyone can turn us down! It's basically cheating having Mikuru in our films, but survival of the fittest as they say!"

I looked over at Nagato, who had been nodding along with every sentence Haruhi said. Lately she'd been a little more eager to go with the plans we had. Maybe she'd enjoyed being a witch? I certainly wouldn't mind seeing a little more Yuki-on-Asahina action myself. Either way, it's nice to see Nagato enjoying herself, even if just a little bit.

"Kyon, are you even listening?" Haruhi was suddenly in my face, looking disapprovingly. "Tell me, what did I just say?"

So close! At least give me some breathing room. Your ego's filling up this room enough as it is without that airhead of yours being in my face all the godda-

"What was that?!"

Oops. Did I say that out loud?

"Hmph! You're lucky I don't smack you in the face for that! But I think I'll just add it to your already severe punishment coming for you for not paying attention."

"But I was definitely paying attention."

"Oh, really? Then tell me, what did I just say?"

"Uh, that people would come to us for anime adaptations?"

"No, idiot. That was like, ten sentences ago. I _said_ today we'll be filming on the rooftop to get the final showdown between Yuki, her henchmen, and Mikuru! Every epic film needs a huge fight at the end! Didja get it that time?"

"Oh of course! That's what you said."

"Be quiet, I'm not finished. We're gonna be filming on top of Yuki's building since it's got such a big roof. However, as director I refuse to walk such a distance. Good thing Koizumi managed to get us a ride across town, right Koizumi?"

He flashed a thumbs up in her direction. "He's outside waiting right now.

"Perfect. Does anyone have anything to add?" She looked around the room expectantly. I have a question. Why are we going all the way to Nagato's building?

"Hey, why not film on the school's roof?"

Haruhi looked at me as if I'd grown two heads. "That's far too many steps to take! And besides, Nagato's building has an elevator that goes all the way up to the roof!"

"But it's easier to-"

"So we're all set! Let's get to it!" Of course. Why would I think reason had any place in this room? How silly of me.

The rest gathered their belongings and headed out the door. I almost made it before Haruhi rudely snatched my collar, choking me for half a second.

"Wha-Ow! What's wrong with you?!"

She shoved the costumes and bag in my arms. "Pfft. You think I'm gonna carry all this stuff? Make yourself useful and take it to the car."

"Why can't you carry it? You have two perfectly functioning arms. Put 'em to good use."

"I refuse to carry anything that causes strain on me. I'm the director, after all. That's like the king working in the fields while all the peasants reap the benefits." With that, she headed for the door before turning back one last time.

"Oh yeah. Lock up once you're done here. And don't take too long!" She tossed the keys at my face, giving me a split-second to react and causing me to almost drop everything.

Whatever, let's just hurry and get this over with. After I had everything set, I locked the door and headed towards the stairwell. I was surprised to see Haruhi still standing on the landing midway between the stairs.

"Hey Haruhi? What's up? Why are you standing here?"

My voice seemed to snap her out of her daze. "What? Oh it's… the…I had to tie my shoe!" That's obviously a lie, but I'm not one to prod.

"Well, c'mon before we get left behind." She merely nodded before following me down the steps.

Haruhi stayed oddly quiet on the way towards the front of the school, not even acknowledging my existence. This is awkward.

"So, why do you still want to film? The festival's over."

"It's fun." Barely a reply.

"Huh. So you wanna be a filmmaker when you grow up?

"Maybe. Don't know."

"Do you have any plans for what you wanna do after high school or college?"

"Who are you seeing right now?"

I nearly trip over myself. "What? Uhh, that's a bit out of left-field. Heh, Didn't know you were interested in tha-"

"Are you going to answer or what?"

Haruhi looked at me with a seriousness seldom seen on her. What brought this on all of a sudden?

"Well, I guess no one. I'm flying solo for now."

Haruhi eyed me with the utmost skepticism. "You don't think I've noticed?"

"Noticed what?" I'm confused, but also curious as to what she's talking about.

"You and Yuki. Always sneaking off. Going to her place all by yourselves. You couldn't have thought no one would notice."

Oh, I see. This is just a misunderstanding. Though I didn't think she had known. "Nagato? There's nothing romantic there. We just talk about a bunch of stuff, drink some tea and then I leave. There's no "sneaking" to it."

"Oh? That simple? Then why don't you invite one of the other members? Or do you give them their personal time with you as well?"

Woah, Haruhi's surprisingly perceptive. Better end this before I let something slip. "Well, it's just time spent hanging outside the club, y'know?"

No, I don't know, since I've never been invited."

"Are you jealous?"

Thankfully, Haruhi stayed silent for a time. Which gives me time to collect myself. She's asking some pretty hard-hitting questions and I need a breather. Haruhi always walked to the beat of her own drum, so I wouldn't take her to really care what we did outside the brigade's activities. Her voice brought me out of my thoughts.

"Not really. Just curious about you and Yuki, really. You two seem awfully close. More so than with any of the others."

"Well, we're good friends. We enjoy each others' company. There's nothing more to it. Just two people hanging out drinking tea."

Haruhi seemed satisfied with my answer and finally allowed herself a smile. "Good. Cause inter-brigade relationships with any other members are strictly off-limits!"

"Any other?"

Before I could pry any further, we heard a bone-chilling scream from outside.

"That sounded like Asahina! I swear if Koizumi even laid a finger on her!" I dashed outside the school, Haruhi struggling to keep pace.

I dropped all the bags on the ground, ready to defend Asahina as much as my body would let me.

"Hey! What's going on out-"

We were treated to the humorous scene of Nagato standing in front of the car in her witch costume, wand outstretched towards the car. It appeared Koizumi had been trying to reason with her to get inside, to no avail.

"Nagato? I think you're having fun but we're not filming yet? There's not even a scene with a car in the movie. I mean, I don't think this takes place during modern times…"

Nagato was having none of it. "All your base are belong to us. Resistance is futile." Looks like Nagato's discovered the internet.

Asahina was inside the vehicle, curled up on the seat, her voice trembling as she whimpered about. Too cute!

I put my hand on my face. Well, now I feel like a douche. That was kind of jerkish just assuming that Koizumi would even do such a thing. I mean, he's saved my life on occasion as well. He deserves more credit than I give him.

I glanced in his direction just in time to see him turn to me, at which he just gave one of his awkward waves complete with stalker smile. I felt shivers run up my spine. Gross, never mind.

"Yuki! That's perfect! That's just what this film needs! A high-speed car chase!" Haruhi switched back to her usual demeanor in an instant, megaphone already in hand. Talk about a mood swing. "Kyon! We're gonna do a-"

"Stop pointing that thing at my ear!"

She lowered the megaphone, but still continued to shout. "We're doing a car chase scene next! Get that camera ready! Rev that engine! Places everyone!"

The driver was completely lost. "Excuse me, miss? What's happening?"

By the time the non-sensical chase had been filmed, we had driven all over town, more than once being pulled over by police and forcing Koizumi's driver to explain the need for such reckless driving. We were now on our way to Nagato's house to finish up filming, which would of course have no transition from this scene with the car chase but if I pointed out all the mistakes in this movie, we'd be here forever.

Me and Koizumi sat up front with the driver, while Asahina, Nagato, and Haruhi sat in the back seeing who could make the best love poems. Probably one of Haruhi's attempts to once again embarrass Asahina. It sounded like it was Nagato's turn. Of course, she struggled to grasp the concept.

"Roses are red, violets are blue, grass is green, and all these are true."

I could practically feel Haruhi's facepalm.

"Yuki, you've got it rhyming, but it has to be about love! Passion! Romance! Like this. _*ahem,_ Roses are red, bees like to buzz-"

"Road work ahead? I sure hope it doesn't force us to make a detour." Koizumi had spotted an orange sign flashing the large words in our direction.

Sure enough, we saw flashing lights and large utility vehicles on the road in front of us. But of course, this setback didn't faze Haruhi in the slightest. "Aw whatever. It probably isn't that big a deal. Probably just fixing some broken water pipe or something. Full speed ahead!"

The driver appeared to still have some sanity. "I don't think so. I'll take a backroad right here to go around. I trust you kids won't need me after I drop you off here, seeing as it's still fairly close to the school."

I responded before Haruhi could get anymore wild ideas that have to do with motor vehicles. "Nope. That'll be enough for today. Thanks for driving us around."

"Very well. I believe this is your stop." He pulled in front of Nagato's building and let us out. It was late in the afternoon. The sun's rays had almost vanished beneath the horizon. If we wanted to get this over with, we'd have to be quick.

Koizumi went back to say some final words to the driver as the rest of us went inside the building. I instinctively went towards the elevator as I already knew the way, which Haruhi smirked at.

"Well, looks like someone knows this place pretty well, huh?"

"He sometimes comes over for tea." Nagato saved me from an undoubtedly awkward moment.

"Are you sure?" Haruhi still seemed odd about the whole thing.

"It is correct." Haruhi stared into Nagato's eyes trying to find any hint of her telling a lie. She finally gave up.

"You have no expression! I can't tell if you're lying to me." Haruhi stomped off towards the elevator, repeatedly pushing the button as if that would do anything. Once it arrived, Haruhi got on and immediately began lying flat on the floor. At least her investigation was over. For now.

"Mikuru, you have to try this! It'll make your stomach go crazy!"

Mikuru looked at Haruhi like she was crazy. Rightfully so. "I don't know. The floor is dirty, and my dress, uh, wouldn't cover-"

"Stop whining so much and live a little! Hurry up before it starts moving!"

Resigned to her fate, Asahina splayed herself flat and tensed herself. Why? I don't know, she always tenses herself, even when just talking.

"Hey!" I saw Koizumi running towards us, trying to make it before the doors closed on him. I stealthily began pressing the button to make the doors quickly close. "Keep the door open Kyon!" C'mon, close close close close close close-

"Thanks for waiting!"

Goddammit.

"Also, look who I ran into on the way here!" Koizumi revealed a grinning Taniguchi from behind his back. Great. Now we have two idiots. Does the pain never end?

"OH MY GOD! KYOOOON!" I was suddenly tackled by a ball of pure energy. After I was forcefully pushed into the elevator wall, I got a better look at the source, who turned out to be none other than Tsuruya.

"I'm so happy you guys are gonna keep filming! I totally believe this film's gonna kick the butts of every other film that's ever been made! Especially with Haruhi directing!"

A few people had stood outside the elevator waiting to get on, but after seeing the unfolding scene before them, they wisely chose to wait for the next cycle. The doors closed, and we were on our way towards the rooftop.

Haruhi acted like a little child as soon as we started moving. "Whoooo! Isn't this great, Mikuru?! My insides are like mush!"

"Can I get up now? I don't like this…"

Taniguchi had chosen to stand next to me and decided that I was the one to complain his grievances towards. Lucky me. "You guys are lucky I even came back at all. I didn't even really want to be here…" Then leave. "but I was forced to come around this way cause some water valve broke on my street or something like that. The whole area's flooded! It's just my luck too. I had a really important date set up for today, but she had to cancel cause of some…"

I had tuned him out as soon as he started talking, having been conditioned by Koizumi long ago. Until he said something that caught my attention.

"…even he said this movie's pretty crappy, and I have to agree. Add to that the so-called 'director' you've got over there," He pointed to Haruhi, who had begun rolling on the floor giggling like a child. "pfft. No film studio's gonna take that trash seriously. If I was you, I'd just quit."

Trash? That got under my skin. "She's more capable than she looks. At least she _can_ make a movie. What are you doing? Besides, no one asked you to be here."

"I know! I'm such a generous guy, sacrificing all my personal time to help your failing film. And sorry if I insulted your girlfriend! You gonna defend her honor?" He laughed as if a joke had been said. "Heh, But honestly, why are you still hanging out with her anyway? Are you two actually going out or something?"

I looked at Haruhi's face as she lay on the floor, having a fairly loud conversation with Tsuruya which I could only imagine involved teasing poor Asahina to no end, and thought back to our earlier conversation about me and Nagato.

Could she be jealous of us? Does she want a similar relationship with me? Actually, she seemed much more at ease when I told her me and Nagato weren't romantically involved. I wonder…

I imagined how it would feel to have Haruhi in that position underneath me. All vulnerable like.

Pause. What did I just say? Eugh! What the hell was that?!

Haruhi looked directly at me, catching me staring at her. We stared at each other for a good minute before the tension became unbearable and we both looked away from each other, both blushing furiously. No one else seemed to notice the interaction we'd just had. How long is the way up? It's too cramped in here. Taniguchi was not helping the situation.

"Whatever, I heard you guys had a lovers' spat the other day. What was that about? Wanna fill me in?"

"We just had a disagreement." I answered flippantly. The elevator door opened up at that second. I walked onto the roof to get a breath of fresh air to counter how stuffy the elevator had gotten.

The view on the roof was beautiful. The stars had begun to show themselves as the sun's last few beams of light drifted below the horizon. The sky had turned into a stunning landscape of colors, the clouds further enhancing the view. It was something to take the breath away from all those who beheld it.

All except Haruhi.

"How's it already this dark? The camera won't be able to pick up as much with the sun down so low. Koizumi! Tell your driver he's the slowest I've ever had! It was still early afternoon when we got in the car!"

As always, she blamed others for her terrible time management skills. "It _was_ early afternoon, until we spent two hours filming a car chase that had nothing to do with the story's plot. If we hadn't wasted so much time on that, we would've probably been finished by now."

"Hmph. Whatever, he still drove to slow for the shots to be any good without editing."

What did you expect? For him to floor it? He was going twenty over the speed limit as it was. Koizumi must've noticed my irritated state, because he started walking over here, flashing the big, stupid smile of his.

"Hey, don't worry about Mr. Arakawa. He's glad for the change of pace. In fact, he said he'd never felt such a rush while driving before. I still gave him the rest of the week off, though. Don't get too upset about it. Try to look at the bright side of things. Our film can only improve from here."

Not mentioning the fact that the rest of the week meant only one day of rest for him, I tuned out the rest of his words as I saw Haruhi and Tsuruya both fist pump energetically. Oh no. She's giving her ideas.

Haruhi raised her voice enough where I could hear. "Once Kyon edits all this together!" My eyes twitched at that statement. "This might even make it into movie theatres across the globe!. Can you imagine that! A big-name studio coming up to us asking for the rights to our movie! We'll have action figures and everything!"

She wrapped the 'Director' armband around her sleeve and pulled out her megaphone, despite the fact everyone could already clearly hear her. I watched as Haruhi settled into her role as director and began giving orders to everyone. I had to stop myself from staring as I was hypnotized by how she commanded everyone and everything, not getting flustered even as things quickly spiraled into chaos.

"Alright! Places everyone! We've got a film to finish! Yuki! You know how you tackled Mikuru before? We're gonna have it the other way around this time! Mikuru, show me your game face!"

Naturally, Mikuru emitted a squeal that sounded more like she had just been caught wearing lingerie. Immediately, Yuki took her chance and tackled Mikuru onto the floor. Or would it be the ceiling? Whatever. I'm getting this on camera.

"No! Yuki! You're the one being tackled! Reset! Reset!"

Taniguchi did not appreciate being left out. "Wait, what do I do? Just stand in the background?" For not wanting to be in this movie, Taniguchi sure loved complaining about not being in the movie.

"You fight Koizumi in the background since you're still being controlled by Yuki!"

Tsuruya chimed in. "Hey! Can we use those contacts we had earlier? Mikuru looked so cute in them!"

"Oh yeah! Of course, we can! Kyon! Do we ha-oops!" She took the megaphone away from her mouth, showing consideration for once. "Do we have anymore contacts, Kyon?"

"Nope." I lied

"You're lying, aren't you? Whatever. We'll just use the bunny girl costume instead! Mikuru, get ready to change." I panned to the 'fight' that Yuki and Asahina were currently having. It seemed Asahina's skirt had risen a bit.

This is borderline pornography, but I know a blessing when I see one. Ugh, just listen to me. I talk about Koizumi being a creep.

"Yuki, get off her already! We're wasting precious daylight! Reset! Kyon, separate the two of them, will ya? And turn that camera off, you pervert!"

By the time we'd finished filming the final face-off between the Evil Alien-Witch Nagato and the Time-Traveling Waitress/Nurse Mikuru, the sun had gone down, and the crickets had begun to make their incessant hums. We were practically done with filming, but Tsuruya had convinced Haruhi that one final plot twist would make the entire climax perfect.

"Look, Haruhi. What we've got now is enough. We're done filming. Let's just call it a day and go home."

Indignant as ever, she retorted, "Last time I checked, I was the director and you were the camera man. I'll decide when it's 'enough'." She made air-quotes when she said enough, though whatever that was supposed to mean was lost on me.

Taniguchi had, of course, grown tired of this as well. "Ugh! We've been filming for an hour! You don't even know where this whole thing is going anyway. Let's just call it a night. Not like you're winning any awards for this stupid thing anyway." What an ass.

Actually, I've got a plot twist. I smiled as I thought about my delightfully devilish idea.

"Hey, what if Asahina knocked all the evil out of Nagato and it turned out that Taniguchi was the villain all along?"

Haruhi practically beamed at me. "That's perfect! Like the power behind the throne! I like it! Everyone! The boy with ugly hair's actually the main villain! Pile up on him and beat him to a pulp! Except you Kyon. You have to catch it all on film!"

Taniguchi looked around, unsure if Haruhi was serious or not. "Well?! Come on! Go at him! This is the climax of the movie!"

"You're not joking? Kyon, what the hell man!? Why are you giving her ide-ah!" He barely made out the words before Nagato swept him off his feet and pinned him to the rooftop, uttering her recently learned phrase.

"All your base are belong to us. Resistance is futile."

Shortly after, the rest had joined in, including Haruhi, trampling the poor man underneath several hundred pounds of humans.

Life's kinda cool sometimes.


	2. Chapter 2

With the final battle filmed, filming was over for the day. Haruhi wanted posters for the movie with Nagato and Asahina posing beside each other, forcing the rest of us to stay on one side of the elevator. Why she didn't do this before we left the rooftop is beyond me.

"Could you scoot over a little? Your shoulders digging into my arm."

"Aww, is Kyon a little uncomfy? Need a pillow to help you feel better? I got ganged up by five people! I was tackled onto a concrete roof! My back's probably out of place! All thanks to you, jerk! I don't want to hear it!" Taniguchi, when will you learn that your pain and suffering is my joy and pleasure?

"You and this entire club are complete wackos! I could've been killed! And you!" He pointed a finger at Haruhi, still handling the camera. "You're paying for any medical expenses I have to go through after this! I could take you to court, you know!"

Haruhi brushed off his threats with a flip of her hair. "Hmph. If anything, it's your fault for being so pathetically frail that you can't handle a couple of girls falling on you. Though I'm guessing that's not a common occurrence with you, is it?"

"Can't you both wait until we're out of here? It's too cramped in here." I really didn't care for their petty argument, as long as it was somewhere else.

Both of them turned away from each other, Haruhi resuming her impromptu photoshoot with Asahina.

"Hmm, Mikuru you're not standing out enough from Yuki. If you don't be bolder, people aren't gonna know you're the main character." Haruhi mulled for a second, then suddenly perked up. "I've got it! Show some leg for us! That'll get people excited for sure!"

"Noooo! I couldn't do that! It's too embarrassing!" Asahina covered her hands with her face, shielding her eyes from Haruhi's intensifying glare.

"Oh yes you can! And yes, you will!" She marched over and started trying to lower Asahina's leggings.

"But the d-"

"Quit whining! If you want to succeed, you have to take some risks."

I tried to intervene. "Isn't this your movie? What're you risking?"

"If this film doesn't make it big, my entire reputation will be on the line!"

"I think that affects Asahina more directly than it does you."

"This is big money we're talking about! We can't feel sorry for other people! You know what they say! A bird in the hand is worth the other guys' grass!"

"What?" She just broke my mind.

Asahina's voice barely registered underneath all the bickering. "I uhh… think they need to use the elevator."

Sure enough, outside the elevator were a bunch of confused strangers, presumably waiting for us to get off, but too scared to intervene in the quarrel before them. Among them were some who had cameras taking pictures of the blushing Asahina.

Haruhi took offense, for all the wrong reasons. "Hey, no pictures unless you're paying! That's private property! This is real film business! Get lost!"

"Well, we're in the elevator they need to use. How about we get lost?"

She rolled her eyes but complied. "Fine. We'll finish the shoot in the clubroom on Monday. And all you perverts! Delete those pictures now! That stuff's the official property of the S.O.S Brigade!"

After Haruhi terrorized each and every person to prove they had no pictures of Asahina, we found our way outside, and were greeted by Koizumi's driver waiting for us.

"Hey, I thought Koizumi gave you the rest of the week off?"

The driver smiled at me. "I got a call from the one with the yellow ribbon to pick up some of her friends. And I'm always eager to service any acquittances of the young master."

Typical Haruhi. Giving orders to people she has no right to give orders to. "Well, I hope she wasn't too demanding on you. You could always say no, you know?"

Before he could respond, Koizumi seemingly materialized behind me and swiftly interrupted. "Don't sweat it, it's all been taken care of. Just let Mr. Arakawa do his thing." He looked over at me in a reassuring manner, though I didn't feel reassured.

"I'm just telling him he doesn't have to listen to Haruhi. She's enough of a bother as it is without involving other people that don't need to be involved."

Koizumi chuckled before taking on a more serious look. "Actually, speaking of Suzumiya, she seemed somewhat bothered by something ever since we left the clubroom today. You haven't done anything weird to her, have you?"

"Hearing that from you is almost like a slap in the face."

"What's that mean? Oh well, whatever it is you better resolve it quickly. Don't want any closed spaces opening up, do we?"

"It can't be that serious. Besides, she's always irritated about something."

"I hope you're right. Perhaps I'm reading too deep. Well, I'll leave you to it. Mr. Arakawa, I think we're ready to go. Have fun, Kyon!"

As Koizumi and the others stepped into the car, I was surprised from behind by a hug that almost choked the life out of me. I couldn't mistake the sensations on my back, however. Asahina released me and stepped back, blushing slightly.

"Kyon, I don't want to make any assumptions, and I'm not saying you are, and what you do personally in this time plane is none of my business, but if you and Ms. Nagato really are-"

"Hurry up, Mikuru! We've got a whole lot of stuff to do tonight to plan for tomorrow!" Tsuruya's voice pierced out from the car.

"Oh, Coming! Good luck Kyon!" She bowed down before scampering off to the car, leaving me with several questions. Like, what are they doing tomorrow? And how can I be there?

I waved goodbye to the others as the car drove off into the distance, then started my way to the hotel's entrance, where Haruhi and Yuki were waiting for me.

"What's up, Haruhi? You missed your ride with the others. How are you getting home?"

She looked at me with a smile that told me I wasn't going to sleep anytime soon. "I'm gonna be joining you and Nagato at her house for a bit!"

I looked at Nagato, who confirmed this with a single nod. "You can't be serious."

"That's right! I want in on whatever it is you two do around here!"

"Can we wait for a more convenient time to do this? I've got stuff to do at home."

"Let's go already! What do you have to do right now, go to sleep?"

"That's the plan."

Haruhi didn't hear me as she'd already made her way back towards the doors of the building. "Yuki! Open the doors! We're wasting precious time out here!"

Nagato looked straight at me, waiting for my call.

I sighed heavily. "Go on. Even if we don't let her in, we'd be stuck out here with her."

As Nagato went to unlock the door, I turned towards the direction of my house. It wouldn't be too far to walk. It's only about seven blocks. I could be asleep in my bed in nine minutes. Fifteen with a nice, quick shower. And a meal wouldn't do me too bad either.

"Kyon! You coming or what?"

I made my way inside the apartment, steeling myself for whatever Haruhi had planned for the night.

* * *

Nagato prepared the tea in the kitchen, that left me and Haruhi in her living room. Alone. Quite awkward to say the least.

She started off first. "Did you and Nagato know each other before the club?"

"No. We started hanging out a few days after the club was formed."

"What did you guys talk about? There couldn't have been anything interesting to discuss until we started club activities."

"Usually just the other members."

"Like me?"

"Your name comes up sometimes, but…" I didn't really want to say anymore, lest I give something away.

"What do you say about me?"

"Nothing offensive I promise. We don't trash talk anyone. Too much." I add, remembering Koizumi existed.

She remained silent for a while, the sound of clinking glass in the kitchen the only sound in the room.

"Kyon, you're…I'm glad you're in the club." Haruhi took a deep breath, then looked me dead in the eyes, intensely.

"What's this? Gratitude? From Haruhi Suzumiya? Someone call the Prime Minister."

"I'm being serious. Besides you guys, I don't hang out with anyone."

"Obviously. You're looking for people with special talents or weird powers and the like."

No, I mean…I don't have a lot of people who talk to me on a daily basis. Willingly, that is."

I stared at her for a while, trying to decipher what she was feeling between those big eyes of hers. "Well, if willingly means against our wills, then sure, you could say that."

"Kyon, most people who tried to talk to me either get frustrated or just try to avoid further contact after the first impression. You don't do that."

A short chuckle went out my nose. "I'd accept the praise if it were true. You say it everyday, 'All you do is complain. Why are you even here'? To which I respond, 'Because you forced me to be here', and then you pull me by my shirt wherever else you want me to go."

At that Haruhi was mute for a time, saying nothing and letting the drone of an outside vehicle fill the air.

Now, believe me, getting praise from Haruhi is nothing to be laughed at, but of all people, me? Either all her marbles fell out and went down into the sewers, or she's drunk. I'm the _only_ normal person in this club. Of all people, she should be hanging with Koizumi.

"Ugh, you're making this way too difficult. I mean, yeah, you complain a lot and it's annoying. And you're a major buzzkill sometimes…"

"Only further proving my point-"

"But you're still here!" Haruhi's voice rose to a volume she didn't even expect, quickly covering her mouth with her hands.

"I'm still here?"

"Yeah! I mean, if anyone else had listened to a word I said, they'd be gone in a few days unless they wanted sex or something weird. But you!" Haruhi planted her hands on the table and leaned in slightly.

"You just go along with it, even if it doesn't make sense or you would rather be somewhere else. Even if you're opposed to my plans, you eventually come around! The fact that you can listen without judging is so unique! I could tell you anything and you'd just say 'Yeah, alright', and accept it! It just makes you…"

She realized she had begun raising her voice again, as she slunk back from over the table and once again sat on her knees.

"You were saying how absolutely perfect I was?" I teased.

"Shut it, you. I'm not kidding."

"You know. It kinda makes me wonder if I'm just as crazy as everyone else in this club."

Haruhi looked at me quizzically. "What do you mean by that?"

"I always think about how I got involved with people like you and Nagato and the others, when I might just be as weird myself. I guess my power is to attract weirdos."

Haruhi let herself fall backwards onto her back, releasing a sigh as she did. "I never took weird as an insult. Why wouldn't you want to be weird? If you aren't, you're just…normal. Like everyone else. That seems even worse. Don't you think?"

This is ironic, now that I think about it. Haruhi looked for people who stand out and just found a flat voiced bookworm, a timid (albeit _hot_ ) girl, and a transfer student whose appeal ended there. I wanted nothing more than to live a dull, boring life and instead, I got the mega-powerful alien, the time-traveler, and the stalker. Who happens to be an esper.

I realize Haruhi was still waiting for an answer. "It's all about perspective. One person gets exactly what the other one wants but they hate. There should be a name for that."

"I just call it life." Haruhi sat back up, staring at me with a smiling face. "Kyon, I like you."

"Yeah, I like me too."

She groaned, but there was a laugh in there. "Stupid. Seriously, I really like…like you."

"I suppose the feeling's mutual then."

Haruhi beamed at me, a breath of relief coming out of her. "I've wanted to say that for a while honestly, but it-"

"Felt too campy? I get it. Sort of unsaid bond we have. I know what you mean, and I hope we can be good friends long into the future."

Her brow crinkled in what appeared to be confusion. "…what? Wait, what?"

"Was that too far? I figured. Never was good at this introspection stuff. But I do honestly look forward to a lasting friendship with you, whatever that entails. I mean, if we can get past that movie, there's nothi-"

"Did you actually miss the point or are you friend-zoning me?"

"Huh? What's that?"

Haruhi let out another groan, this time of legitimate frustration. "You're as thick as a wall, you know that?"

"Actually, he is on average only 6 inches in width, whereas many walls can reach up to three feet in radius." Nagato had appeared out of nowhere, with a tray of three teacups filled with green tea and a teapot on it. Beside all these was a book with a picture of a bed on it.

Haruhi facepalmed. "It's called symbolism, Yuki. You take things way too literally."

"I think you mean personification, Haruhi."

"Isn't that the thing when you rhyme a lot?"

"No, that's just rhyming. What you're thinking about is pentameter."

Nagato piped in. "Metaphor."

Haruhi pulled tightly on her hair. "Ugh! I don't care! Can we not debate literature outside of school please? I'd like to think you guys do more than this during visits!"

"Speaking of literature, Nagato, what's that book for?"

* * *

Nagato had taken an interest in human activities and had gotten a book for sleepovers- which we were suddenly having thanks to Haruhi's enthusiasm-suggesting what games to play and the like. The pillow fight was a one-sided barrage of pillows being whirled around while me and Haruhi hid behind anything in the room. Which wasn't much being as there was only a table in there. Scrabble, of course, was Nagato's personal favorite, having memorized every possible combination of words, phrases, and languages. I didn't even know the game had accents. And then there was spin the bottle.

It only lasted one turn, but the look on Haruhi's face after she was practically frenched by Nagato? Priceless. Of course, Nagato didn't see the problem with the intimate gesture. I didn't mind too much myself.

"I wish I had taken a picture. Never getting that chance again in a million years."

Haruhi blushed furiously from across the table, not daring to look at the bottle in front of her or Nagato, who nonchalantly sipped her tea as if the last five minutes hadn't existed. "I've got a feeling this isn't what you do when you normally hang out here."

"Well, you usually aren't here. What did you have in mind?"

Her blush fading, she pondered for a second. "To be honest, kind of tired. And hungry. We did a lot."

"I have prepared a meal for tonight which will be ready in 40 minutes."

The thought of food teased my mind. "Really? What is it?"

Nagato went into the kitchen for a second, then quickly returned. "You will like it. It is cheese related. You will like the cheese."

"Well that's not creepy at all." Haruhi looked towards the sleepover book on the table. "What's next after all the other stuff according to that thing?"

Nagato grabbed the book and quickly opened it to a specific page. Really quickly. I could feel the wind from each page turn from across the table. "When activities die down, make time for introspective talks and discussions about each other's psyche and personal lives."

Haruhi waved her hand dismissively. "Eh, pass. What's next?"

Nagato took another look at her book. "A board game. Money related. Very calming and peaceful. Its name appears to be an abbreviation of Monotonous Polygon."

Haruhi yawned. "Sounds boring but sure, why not."

Nagato went to get the game, and with her in the kitchen, me and Haruhi were once again alone. I took the time to poke some more fun at her.

"You wanna go join her? She's all yours." I cocked my eyebrows. Much to my delight, Haruhi's face went flush again.

"Annoying as ever, I see. By the way, none of this leaves this room. Or you'll face a punishment worse than death!"

"Hey, your secret is safe with me. I have no problem if that's your- "

"Shut it!"

I put my hands in the air defensively. "Alright, alright. I won't say anything."

Haruhi puffed her cheeks in a pout, which was quite possibly the cutest thing on this planet. "Aww, I'm just teasing, sourpuss. Lighten up."

She turned her head upwards with faux indignation. "Your punishment will be to clean my feet everyday if you continue on!"

"Oh, is that your kink?"

I felt a kick to my leg underneath the table. Oh, so that's how you're gonna play it? I return the favor with a kick of my own.

"Attacking your brigade leader is a serious offense!" Haruhi once again gave me a kick, this time closer to some precious jewels of mine.

"Watch it!"

Haruhi eyed me mischievously. "Or what? You gonna cry for mommy?"

"That's enough out of _you_." I began to send a barrage of kicks under the table. She reciprocated in kind.

Haruhi didn't let up. "If you think I'm gonna let you win this thing, you've got another thing coming! Along with severe penalties if you do manage to win!"

"How's that fair? You're basically forcing me to lose!"

"Haha! I know! Oh! Yuki! Got the game?"

Nagato placed the board onto the table, along with many figurines, houses, fake cash and other assortments. I immediately recognized it as a popular western property game.

Haruhi's face scrunched up as Nagato began to place down the all the pieces and money. "Hold on a second. That looks waaayyyy too complicated to setup. How's it supposed to be a game with all these pieces? 'Calm and Peaceful' is right. You'll go to sleep just setting the whole thing up."

I picked up a tiny car with a man inside. "I think me and Koizumi tried playing this once. I believe you're supposed to move around the board and whatever roads you land on you can buy? We roll dice to see how far we move, but it takes a while to get interesting. You sure you wanna play this, Nagato?"

She nodded slowly. "Trust me. It is good."

"Whatever you say. If anything, this'll at least help wind things down for the night."

* * *

"You can't buy that! It's mine!"

Not anymore! I'm buying it off you for 1100 bucks! And you can't say anything since you mortgaged it off!"

"Since when were you so adept at financing? You probably don't even know what mortgage means!"

"I know what it means, alright! That you're a sore loser!" She cackled hysterically.

Damn you, infernal woman. Constantly showing me up in every game we play. I did need the money. I had spent most of mine buying houses and hotels. No one had landed on my spaces however, so I wasn't doing so good. Unlike Haruhi, whose spaces I seemed to land on every other turn. I took the die and rolled them, hoping for some sort of luck.

"Lucky 7. 1, 2, 3 ,4, 5…Chance! Now we're talking!" I lifted the card, my smile quickly fading. "Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Good grief."

Haruhi reveled in my misery. "Back behind bars, jailbird! Don't worry, me and Yuki will come visit you sometime. This is fun!"

"Very." Nagato had gone bankrupt after her third turn. She didn't seem to grasp that you can't buy something you can't pay for. but she'd been content watching me and Haruhi play by ourselves.

"Actually, let's just call it a draw now. It's not going anywhere at this rate." With two more moves, I'd be out on the streets without a penny to my name. Curse my poor money-management skills.

"Aww! Why? It was getting interesting!" Haruhi of course, whined like a child being put to bed. "There's no reason for us to stop! It's not like we have school tomorrow."

Suddenly, my empty stomach made itself known, grumbling loudly as it yearned for something to eat.

"I will be right back." Nagato grabbed something from the oven and placed it on a platter.

"I made cheese sandwiches for the sleepover." She revealed to us-

"Wow!" We exclaimed in unison. Before us were hundreds of generously sized sandwiches, still steaming. Beside those were at least ten different dips, accompanied by many smaller finger foods, fruits, and assorted snacks. She then brought out a different platter, this one having a large pizza with almost every topping you could imagine. Sausage, Pepperoni, Ham and Beef, even Mushroom and Garlic, all covered in a thick, warm tomato sauce with hot gooey cheese all over. I had to keep myself from drooling.

Nagato lifted a sandwich to each our faces. "The pizza will be for the morning." Why would you show it to us!? That's just torture. "You may eat the sandwiches now. If you want."

"You're really into this whole cheese thing, huh. And I like them cold myself." I took a bite of the sandwich, the flavor easily recognizable as mozzarella. Haruhi took one as well, dipping hers in a white, creamy sauce. Her face lit up as she chewed.

"Wow! These are delicious! You're right, Yuki! We need to start serving these in the clubroom! And we could get Mikuru to do it along with the tea!"

My stomach whole-heartedly agreed. We had a light-hearted discussion about what new foods and drinks could be served in the clubroom. There was even talk of a possible outdoor sandwich stand, which would use Asahina's bunny outfit, of course. But the night was starting to wear on me, and after eating around the table for half an hour, re-counting all my failures of the night, I decided it was time to turn in.

"Alright you two. It's nearly one in the morning. Stay up if you want, I'm retiring for the night."

Haruhi scoffed at me. "Already?"

"You can do what you want. I, however, am getting some shut-eye."

"Tch. I guess it is pretty late. I'll be with you in a bit." Haruhi went back to eating her food until she almost choked on it. "Not as in with you like-! Just in the room… to sleep. On my own. That's what I mean."

I waved my hand to dissipate her worries. "I got ya. Guess I'll see you in the morning."

I walked inside the room, slid the door closed and prepared to get some much-needed rest. I remember when I time-traveled in this room. Hopefully Nagato doesn't forget us in here for another three years. Unlikely, but still.

As long as I got some rest from Haruhi. She's such a handful.

I actually had fun today. It got off to a rocky start, but this turned out to be really enjoyable. Maybe we should do this more often? Perhaps this could be a weekly thing? Or maybe bi-weekly. Who knows? I'm thinking when instead I should be sleeping.

I laid down inside my tatami and prepared to go to sleep, until I felt myself being violently rolled up into a sushi-like form. I heard a giggle from behind me. Asukura? Oh God, No!

"Wah! Nagato? Someone? Help!"

"All your base are belong to us!" Haruhi shone a flashlight in her face, shaking it around in corny fashion. She doubled back and laughed, apparently amused by my cries for help.

"Hahaha, Whew! ' _Nagato? Someone? Help!'_ gahahaha!" Her imitation was not exactly flattering.

"Come on. I'm trying to sleep. That's not really funny."

"Yeah, to you! To me, that's hilarious! Ahaha! Nagato's right! That _is_ fun to say!"

I struggled to unroll myself, which only resulted in me being tossed out of the bag. Haruhi laughed even harder at this. I would've been angry, had her laughter not rubbed off onto me. Soon, we didn't even know what we were laughing about, we just couldn't stop.

After we finally quieted down, we got into our separate tatami and reminisced about everything that happened the previous day, concluding with my sudden assault on Taniguchi. Of course, Haruhi had wilder and even crazier plans than what we'd done before, but I'll worry about that when we get there. I'm just gonna enjoy this moment of peace while it lasts. Once I heard the soft snores from across the room, I closed my eyes and let myself be overcome by sleep.

* * *

There are many ways for people to wake up. Some wake from a terrifying nightmare. Some by the beautiful morning sunrise. Others by an unforgiving alarm clock. And still others wake up for no reason other than waking up.

An elbow to the face is not what one thinks of when thinking of an early morning wake-up. I had the pleasure of having such an experience this morning. Spoiler alert: It's not that pleasurable. I tried to move my hand to my eye, only to find out it was stuck underneath someone's body.

"Alright, whoever-" I stop mid-sentence. Mostly because I was surprised to see a still sleeping Haruhi laying atop my arm, back towards me.

I thought we had slept pretty far away from each other to avoid any awkward situations like this. I propped my head up, moving carefully so not to wake her, and checked across the room. Sure enough, her sleeping bag was still far across from mine, but it looked as if she'd somehow rolled over here in her sleep. It's a stretch, but it's the only explanation I can gather.

Haruhi started to shift her position, turning her body about until she finally settled in place while facing me. Now if this wasn't already strange enough, our faces were now mere inches apart. I could feel her every breath against my lips. Now if only she would move just a tiny bit closer I could…

I rub my eyes with my free hand. I must be really out of it right now to be thinking like this. I could see it was early day by looking at the thin walls of the door. I could be up and out of here in literal seconds, had someone not used my arm as a pillow. Still working me even in her sleep.

Laying here like this, it was now that I realized I had the rare and somewhat bizarre opportunity to actually study Haruhi's face. I'd never gotten a good look before and I wondered if she also had any hidden blemishes like Asahina.

If only her hair wasn't in the way. I brushed aside the obstructive fibers, stopping midway as I felt her soft cheek, warm to the touch. Even for a girl, they were smooth. As if she put baby powder on them. I wouldn't be surprised if she actually did. I also had gotten a waft of fragrance from her hair. After a few seconds, I identified the smell as coconut. Not a particularly popular smell, but that's just like her. Never one to go with a trend. She didn't use lipstick, but she definitely didn't need it, her lips a rich crimson on their own. It was quite mesmerizing, actually going in depth about her quite unique facial features. Her brown eyes fit in so naturally to the surrounding see of white around them. So full, yet completely endless in their scope.

Eyes? It was at this moment I realized my hand was still on her face, and I had brought my own closer to hers. It must've woken her up. But she didn't react as I thought she would. She instead stared back at me, her eyes growing wide on her face as she realized what I was doing.

"Uhh, hey?"

"…hi." She replied, somewhat confused by the situation she found herself in.

"You woke up."

"Yeah."

"…hit me with your arm."

"Oh."

Really didn't know how to explain this. I couldn't think of anything that could make this strange moment less weird. How about a joke? Maybe? Can't get worse than this.

"So, you come here often?"

Haruhi chuckled. Actually, it was more of a sharp exhale through the nose. That's still something to me, though.

"Depends. See anything you like?"

"That's surprisingly…flirty coming from you. Are you always like this when you wake up?"

"Wanna find out? If you liked it, you… could continue." Haruhi's blush went deeper with every word. I was just as embarrassed, as well as shocked. And confused. And every other emotion you could think of. Would we remember this later on? Would we want to? Only in my dreams has a scenario like this even felt possible to imagine, but I'm not passing up the opportunity. I pulled my face closer to take her up on her offer.

"Pizza time." The monotone voice broke the tension that had settled around us, as well as scaring the daylights out of both me and her. I whirled around, throwing Haruhi off of me. She tried to catch herself, but only succeeding in throwing the blankets all over us. I struggled to find an exit, being kicked and punched the whole time. When I finally escaped the flailing cocoon, I saw Nagato sitting in a chair. She had a book in hand, apparently reading the whole time we were…Oh no.

When Haruhi emerged from under the covers, she saw I was in no shape to speak, and took the mantle for me. "Nagato? What's up?"

Nagato gave a quite colorful response. "Nothing much. What is up with you?"

After several seconds of nothing but air exiting my mouth, I finally formed words. "Didn't expect that from you, but let me just ask. How long have you been there?"

Nagato didn't answer right away, going back to her book, keeping us in suspense for another minute. An answer came after a page turn.

"…an hour."

"Hglk!" I nearly choked on my own spit. "An _hour?"_

"The pizza will not be as good if re-heated a third time. Come eat as soon as you are finished." She closed her book and left the room, leaving us in stunned silence.

I turned back towards Haruhi, who hadn't moved from her spot. Probably still reeling from the events that had just transpired. Knowing how this would end, I sheepishly smiled as I attempted to pick up where we left off.

"So, we were finishing?" I was elbowed for the second time that day.

Still one of my better mornings.


	3. Chapter 3

As our weekend ended, I was once again staring out my homeroom window, seated in front of Haruhi, who had spent the entire class period discussing her next big plans for our movie.

"Kyon, what do you think about a scene with a hijacked plane-"

"That plane must be pretty ripped."

No response. I thought it was funny. "-A hijacked plane that crashes into the ocean. You know, like that one movie?"

I think it's absolutely insane.

"It's absolutely insane. You nearly took out ten people with just four wheels. I'd hate to see what you'd do if you had wings."

"Tch. You just don't know how to have fun."

"No, I know how to prolong my life."

"How about a racecar? We could ask one of the racers to lend us their car for a day! That'll definitely get people looking!"

"At the 20-car pile-up or the high school girl who caused it? Besides, we already have a car chase."

"Well, I'm the only one putting up suggestions. I don't see you coming up with any ideas."

"How about a break? All we've done is film for the last two weeks. Aren't there other club activities you'd rather be doing than this?"

I heard Haruhi's head hit the desk for the tenth time that day. "Ugh, but then I'll get bored with the movie and I'll forget all about it. I need to make sure those big studios in Hollywood know this is a big deal."

"It's not like we have a time limit. We could work on this until our third year. In fact, many great films took over two years to finish, and that's not counting editing, re-takes, setbacks, and lots of other stuff. If you want a studio to seriously consider your work, you're gonna have to show them that-"

"If I wanted a lecture, I'd pay attention in class."

"Well, the point still stands. We can take as long as we like. We could put it off until after we graduate and then finish it."

"…do you really think we'd still be together?"

"Hmm?" I turned around. Haruhi was looking pensively out the window. Her voice had become much quieter.

"What if we don't have all the time in the world? Someone could move away tomorrow without notice. Just like Asukura. What if Koizumi suddenly transfers to another school? Or Nagato goes off to some foreign college? Don't you have plans after high school?"

Nope. "I haven't given it much thought since you'd probably force us to go wherever you went anyway. Wouldn't you?"

Haruhi looked back at me, her eyes finally drawn away from the window. She stayed silent for a while before a smile cracked its way onto her face.

"Obviously. Just testing you." There she is. Save the deep thoughts for the philosophers. Or someone more responsible than me. The conversation turned back towards the mundane for the rest of the period. At least, mostly mundane.

* * *

"So, you think Mikuru would date a girl?" Haruhi was a bit eager to hear my response. Her enthusiasm left when she looked back at me.

One can only hope. Immediately my mind flooded with-

"Answer the question, weirdo. And get that stupid smile off your face."

"I mean, I can imagine it."

"You would imagine it, pervert. Either way, I bet more people would watch our movie if there was a relationship like that in it."

Undoubtedly. "What about Koizumi?"

"What about him?"

I snorted. "My thoughts exactly."

On that note, our chat was over, and we waited for the class to end. I honestly think Asahina wouldn't be too against it. Her and Tsuruya kinda give me that vibe. I wouldn't be too surprised if it turned out that way. Disappointed maybe. I wonder if Haruhi and Nagato could go that way.

"Would you date Nagato?"

"I guess. Yuk-What?!" Her arm slipped from underneath her as she barely caught herself from slamming into the desk. She stood up and yelled right at me.

"Don't just ask those kinds of questions out of nowhere!"

It was quiet for a few seconds, after which she realized her outburst had garnered the attention of the entire classroom, as well as the teacher, who fortunately thought her anger stemmed from a question he had apparently asked.

"Uh, I didn't think the problem was too difficult. Is the rest of the class also having trouble with this type of equation?"

The class began voicing their opposition to the teacher.

"Yeah, why are we using all these letters? I thought this was math, not English Literature."

"Why are there smaller numbers over the bigger ones?"

"What's this slope-intersection or whatever? Am I learning to drive?!"

The teacher seemed flustered. "I suppose we could do a supplementary lesson tomorrow. I do apologize if my explanations are hard to follow…"

Haruhi sat back down, grateful for the misunderstanding, but still annoyed with me. "Don't just suddenly ask weird questions like that! And I'm not gonna dignify such a question with an answer!"

"So…yes then?"

She didn't answer. "Interesting. So, you'd be fine with another girl?"

"I don't see where you're going with this." She huffed, annoyed with me.

I put my hands in the air. "Just asking."

"If they're exciting enough, sure."

"If they're exciting? You _are_ kinky, aren't you?" I teased.

The bell rang at that moment and Haruhi left me behind, not waiting for me to catch up. That was pretty funny.

Taniguchi walked over to me with an air of confidence, which meant bad news for me. I packed my things faster.

"Glad I wasn't the only one who didn't understand, but man, did she scare the hell out of us."

"Do you ever understand?" He flashed a smile at me.

"Say Kyon, not that I care at all, believe me I have a lot of stuff planned for today, but are you guys filming by any chance?"

"Thought you wanted nothing to do with that anymore."

"Oh I don't, but that crazy green haired chick you hang with is totally my type!"

Tsuruya would totally clobber you if she heard that. "I thought you had a date the other day. Did she dump you already?"

He looked at me with a confused expression. "Date? What date?"

"The one that got cancelled because your street was blocked off?"

He pondered for a minute. "Oh! Her? It was mutual. We needed some space. We were way too hot for each other, so it wasn't fair for everyone else."

"Tch."

"Seriously bro! Tell me if that girl comes with you guys, alright?"

I held back a laugh. "Of course. In fact, I'll even ask what she thinks of you."

He leaped into the air, nearly falling over into me. "Thanks, Kyon, you're the best!" He left the classroom, bounding like a moron. I'll tell her alright. I can't wait to see her lose it over this.

* * *

As I walked into the clubroom, I saw that Asahina hadn't arrived yet. Koizumi was also missing, and I kinda hoped it stayed that way. Haruhi wasn't here as well, but that was expected. What I didn't expect was to see Tsuruya in there. She appeared to be having a one-way conversation with Nagato. I shut the door behind me as I listened in on her.

"-so she totally thinks that some sort of plane hijacking scene would be perfect but then how would we get one at such short notice? Then there's the type of hijackers as well. What would their motives be? Money? Power? Oh, and she also wants to re-shoot some battle scenes, but this time using real fire and stuff, which was my idea of course! But Haruhi says Kyon would never go for it because he's a little- Kyon! What's up!"

She tackled me against the door, still talking a hundred miles a second. "Ow! Ms. Tsuruya, that hurts!"

"Haruhi wants to know if you're okay with throwing Mikuru in a lake again! Don't worry, she'll be wearing some scuba gear we got from this nice old man across from my house, so she won't be _too_ cold! Of course, she'd still get a little wet! It's also a bit revealing to make sure she maintains her appeal! Wait, Mikuru won't be able to show up anyway! What if we got Nagato some more revealing outfits? And they'd be part of a transformation which uses cool effects to change costume? Hey! How about we go buy some more fireworks for cool special effects in the fight scenes? Whaddya say?"

She finally stopped talking, giving me a chance to speak. "Okay, first off, we're not buying fireworks ever again. Secondly, Asahina's not going to be thrown into another lake. Lastly, why won't she be showing up?"

I was suddenly thrown from against the door violently as Haruhi pushed it open, knocking me and Tsuruya onto the ground.

"Sorry I'm late! I just had to get some…" Haruhi stared at me. It was now that I realized that we were in the most suggestive position possible.

Tsuruya seemed oblivious. "Hey Haruhi! Kyon was asking me about Mikuru!"

Haruhi began glaring daggers at me. Koizumi walked in from behind her at just that second. "Oh my! Were you two in the middle of something?"

This is why I hate you.

"Koizumi you- Haruhi, this isn't what it looks like! You opened the door so hard and I fell down-"

" _PERVERT!"_ The last thing I remember was a size nine heel coming straight down onto me.

* * *

"Incredible. She left a perfect cast of her shoe imprinted on your face. I can even see the branding." Koizumi was enjoying this. Tsuruya hadn't even stopped laughing to breathe yet.

"Haha, let's all laugh at my misery."

"Well deserved misery. It's not right to force yourself onto someone like that, Kyon."

"I already told you! It wasn't like that!"

Koizumi chuckled. "I know. You're so easy."

"Save your lies for someone who'll believe 'em!" Haruhi was sitting at her desk, doing something on her computer. "And where's Mikuru? This isn't going to work without her! I still need to get the posters ready."

Tsuruya had been cackling to herself for some time, finally stopping when Asahina's name came up. "Oh, Mikuru's in some contest for the calligraphy club! They're going up against the art club from Kouyouen Academy! She won't be able to make it for a few days. She told me to tell you guys last week, but I forgot!" She stuck her tongue out like a child.

Haruhi groaned loudly while leaning back in her chair. "Come on! I had a whole lot of cool stuff planned too! Just my luck. I thought I told her to quit that stupid club when we first formed the brigade!" She looked around the room, then gave a huff. "Whatever, I guess we'll have to put filming on hold for a while." Thank God.

Tsuruya resumed her conversation with Nagato while Haruhi went back to whatever it was she was doing on the computer. A bit too eagerly. "You seem to be having fun. What are you doing over there?" I got up and walked over to her.

"Nothing! Mind your business! Executive eyes only!" She moved the monitor away from my direction.

"Show me what you're doing!" I wrestled it out of her hands to find myself greeted with the pictures of Asahina in her maid outfit that I had moved. "Where'd you find these? I deleted them!"

Haruhi looked at me with a deadpan expression. "Seriously? Not only was it on the desktop, but the folder itself was called Mikuru. How could anyone _not_ find them?"

"Yeah, but that's…true I guess." I sighed, cursing my own stupidity. I turned my attention back towards the photos. They were actually in a digital editing software. It looked like she'd been trying to edit some of the pictures.

"Kyon, check this out. I'm trying to move this maid outfit off her and put her in her waitress get-up, but it keeps grabbing the whole body."

"Well, you've outlined her entire body, so that's why. You have to cut it off at her neck and shoulders, so it doesn't drag everything else." I quickly did the job, being somewhat efficient at it after spending an all-nighter with the program. "There you go. Not too shabby, huh?" I was quite proud of my abilities to move clothes off of digital pictures of Asahina with ease.

It seemed Haruhi was impressed as well. "Can you do the same to these ones? I want a shot of her and Yuki in front of an explosion!"

"Sure! I just need to get a picture off the internet…Boom." You could tell it was edited, but with a few strokes here and there it would look pretty legit.

Haruhi was excited now. "Wow! You're not completely useless after all!" I felt my eye twitch. "Teach me how to do that stuff!"

"That'd take a while. I'd have to show you how to use the brush tool, the marker, the magic pen, the lasso, lots of stuff goes into it."

Haruhi pulled up a seat. "Not like we're filming today. And two people with these skills would be more efficient anyway."

Koizumi spoke up. "Uh, I don't want to interrupt, but what can I do?"

"Go on home. We've got most of your scenes filmed."

He has about seven minutes of screen time and he's supposed to be the love interest. "Besides, Mikuru won't be here today so we couldn't do anything fun anyway."

"Well, if it's alright with you, I'll see you guys later." He gathered his stuff. "Ms. Nagato, will you be joining me on this fine day?"

Nagato, who'd still been listening to Tsuruya ramble on, looked up towards Koizumi, then to me and Haruhi.

"No."

"Oh, that hurts! I'm not that off-putting, am I?" He said jokingly. Yes, you are.

"It has nothing to do with your presence."

Koizumi chuckled. "I figured. Well, I'll see you guys…tomorrow?" He looked at Haruhi, who looked away from the computer when the room went silent.

"What? Oh! Uh, probably not until Mikuru gets back, which would be…"

Tsuruya answered for her. "Friday! The competition ends Wednesday but she thinks she'll be sick afterwards."

Thinks she's gonna be sick. She's the only one who could say that and be genuinely telling the truth. Koizumi closed the door as he left, leaving the rest of the members, along with Tsuruya in the clubroom. Which reminds me.

"Haruhi, practice with this face for a second. Use the brush tool and get rid of as many of her freckles as you can. Also, try to get rid of her bangs. Make her look as pretty as possible. Remember, no huge strokes. Just quick, light clicks."

She eagerly snatched the mouse out of my hand. "Easy! She'll look like a whole new person!"

"Alright, whatever you say." I got up and walked towards the door. "Hey Tsuruya, could I talk to you for a sec? Outside?"

"But of course!" She skipped out the door and made a right, heading for the stairs. I followed behind her.

"So, you know that creep, Taniguchi?"

* * *

"Sorry, I swear I could've heard you say you wanted to date him. Must've had something in my ear."

"That's what I said! He's just like you but somehow manages to be a lot weirder. Plus, he thinks he's so funny!"

"Wha-you-is that supposed to be a compliment?"

"Also, no other guys ever ask me out cause they're too afraid of me! With good reason of course! They're all so scummy! Usually, if a guy asks me out, I'd tear their head clean off!"

Okay first off, why? Secondly, "Heh, which one?"

"Huh?"

"Nothing." I quickly responded, thankful she hadn't understood my remark.

"Anyway, I've got to go join Mikuru! Bye Kyon!" She skipped down the stairs, leaving me standing there.

I shook myself out of my daze, wondering how she had concluded that Taniguchi was worth her time. I started towards the clubroom when I was nearly tackled from behind.

"Kyon! Buddy I love ya! You know that! You're the greatest wingman on Earth! I thought that was an odd way of talking about me, but it worked! How can I make this up? Tell you what, I'll give you my test answers for a month!"

No thanks, I'm already failing. "You were listening in?"

"Wanted to make sure you didn't mess up. You had me worried there Kyon, but I know to never doubt you again! See ya bud!" He took off, following the same route Tsuruya had taken, singing like a dying whale.

Well, at least this'll give me some entertainment. Inevitably that's gonna crash and burn, but that should be fun to watch.

"Kyon! I did it!" Haruhi called from the room. I completely forgot about her.

"That was fast! Be right there." I went back inside and walked over to the computer where she was standing proudly. "Told ya! A whole new person. Can't even recognize her, right?"

I barely stifled a laugh. "Well, I'll tell you one thing, I can't recognize her, that's for sure." Where an attractive woman's face used to be now stood a swirl of color and blurry facial features. Smudge lines from her lips to her eyes were everywhere and her ears were nowhere to be seen.

"Hey! It's not that bad. It's supposed to look cool." Haruhi pouted as she sat down in her chair, unamused.

"Well, we're going for a realistic look, not 'cool'. Let's try again." I kept undoing everything Haruhi had done until her face once more looked human. "Don't change the brush size. You're supposed to be focusing on the freckles."

Very slowly, she moved the mouse over to the left cheek, clicking each freckle one by one. "Alright, now try to get the ones by her nose."

She carefully dragged the cursor over, highlighting too much skin, and released. The nose immediately vanished, making me nearly fall out of my chair laughing. Haruhi became even more annoyed.

"This is stupid! I want explosions and stuff! It's not even that funny." She said, making sure not to look at the screen when she said that. "You know, that's what you look like."

I got into my seat, still recovering. "Aw come on. That's not very nice."

"I am not nice."

"Well, if that's me, then this is you." I increased the brush size and clicked the entire face. It became a mishmash of skin and hair.

"Oh yeah! If that's me then- gimme that!" She reached for the mouse as I held it high over my head. "Kyon, stop it! Give me!"

"Gimme this, gimme that. So rude!" I stood up to raise it higher.

"Kyon, stop it! I'm trying to learn how to edit! Stop being stupid!" She futilely jumped several times trying to reach.

I unplugged the mouse from the computer tower and walked to the other side of the room. "Well, if you can't ask for it politely, I guess we're done for today."

She stood behind the desk, looking at me with an irritated look on her face. "I'm not going to chase you."

I shrugged my shoulders and stood there for a minute, watching her. She whistled for a little while, staring out the window, seemingly uninterested in me anymore. Suddenly, she bolted towards me, catching me off guard. I barely evaded her as I ran behind the table again.

"Good try, but only being nice will get you this."

She smirked. "Yeah right! Nice guys never finish!"

I had to wrap my head around her butchered phrase. "That's not how it goes and that's not what that means. That's if a guy is-"

"I know what it means! It means that you're a loser!" She jumped across the table and tackled me onto the ground, wrestling for the mouse which she had somehow still not gotten a hold of. I tried to get up at the same time she bent over me to grab it, causing our heads to butt.

"Ow!" We both cried in unison. We then realized how close we had gotten in proximity. Her body was out over mine, her hands on either side of my head. Similar to me and Tsuruya's earlier situation. She was panting quite heavily from all the running.

"Well, now who's the pervert?" I scoffed.

"Still you, since you're the one thinking about it."

"But you're… it's…forget it." I can't ever win against her. I try to scoot out from underneath her, only to be blocked by her arm. I could feel her panting on my face. I could see the smallest tinge of red on her cheek.

"Haruhi, wanna get up?"

"Depends. Ready to admit defeat?" She leaned down slightly, staring at me intensely.

My face began to grow flush. "Seriously, how far are you gonna go for a mouse?"

"We'll find out."

A book fell on top of her head, which slid directly on my face. I recoiled and got up from underneath her. I looked up to see Nagato's blank face looking down at us from the side of her chair.

"My apologies. The book slipped." She said.

"Apparently." Haruhi huffed, clearly annoyed at the timing of Nagato's mishap.

"Eh, don't sweat it. It's about time to leave anyway."

"Oh no." Haruhi grabbed the mouse from the floor, which was now a broken mess. Probably from the impact when Haruhi knocked me to the ground. "Now look what you've done. You're buying a new one before tomorrow."

I sighed. "Of course, I am."

"It better have even more buttons."

"Why would it need-"

"Because I said so! That's why." She stuck her tongue out. "I'll go with you, so you don't buy any useless junk."

"Whatever you say, your majesty."

"Hmm…I like it! Queen Suzumiya. Actually no! Lord… wait! From now on, my name is Super Lord Director Queen of the S.O.S Brigade Haruhi Suzumiya!"

"Can I just call you Haruhi for short?"

"Hmph. Megalord Suzumiya approves. Now come on! Those look like rain clouds, and if I get wet, there's gonna be blood on your hands, mister!"

With that, she bolted out the room, leaving me and Nagato alone.

"Hyper as ever. So, Nagato-"

"I consciously dropped the book on top of you."

"I figured. Was it something to do with the Data Integrity thing?"

"No. The Entity of Space and Data Integr-" I held up a hand to stop her before she throws anymore big words at me.

"Just Entity will do." Save us some time on that front.

"Okay."

We stood in silence as I waited for her to go on. "Nagato? You were saying?"

She waited a few more seconds before speaking again. "The Entity does not see it safe to allow Haruhi Suzumiya to engage in sexual activities as of yet, due to the chance her offspring could inherit her abilities and cause unchecked destruction upon this world."

I was trying to wrap my head around three different things here. The first being Haruhi having children, the second being their powers ravaging the planet, and thirdly…

"Sexual activities? Don't tell me she's…" I trailed off, not wanting to finish that sentence. The thought of her doing whatever with someone else is unbearable.

"No. Until now she has not shown specific attraction to any one person with this intensity."

"Oh, thank the gods. We can still rest easy." I breathed a sigh of relief. "I'll make sure no one makes any moves on her, don't worry about that."

"You do not understand. She has begun to show attraction to-"

My phone began to ring, and I, already knowing who it was, stupidly answered it. "What are you doing!? If you're not down the stairs in thirty seconds you're dead!" She hung up abruptly. Typical.

"Sorry about that, you were saying?"

Nagato looked downwards. "It is not important." She got up and left the clubroom without barely a goodbye. I followed her towards the stairs, where Haruhi had angrily marched up.

"There you are! You're in big trouble!"

"Yeah yeah, just wait a sec. Naga-" I turned towards the stairs, only to see nothing but the shadows of raindrops from the window.

"Nagato? She didn't come this way. More importantly, look! You're so slow it's already started to rain! Hope you like getting wet cause I'm not sharing an umbrella this time! I came prepared." She grabbed a jacket from her bookbag and flaunted it in front of me. "Are you listening?"

I checked for Nagato one last time before I gave up and turned my attention towards the yelling girl in front of me.

"Relax, I already have an umbrella anyway." I took it out and started to unfold it.

"Ahh! Stop!" She knocked it out of my hand onto the floor.

"What?! I'm just opening it!"

She gestured around us. "Inside? How dumb are you?"

"Ha! Don't tell me you're superstitious, Haruhi." Please.

"I'm not _super_ stitious!" She picked up my umbrella and headed off down the stairs.

I followed after her, lest I be left behind in the rain without any protection.

Haruhi turned around before exiting the building. "I'm only a little stitious!"


	4. Chapter 4

"…thusly ending up with two spheres, even though we started off with only one. So that's essentially the Banach-Tarski paradox in a nutshell."

I can't believe I listened to Koizumi talk about something so absolutely irrelevant with such intent for an hour. Even though there was nothing else to do, this was a new low. Nagato hadn't shown up yet, Mikuru was still at that competition, and Haruhi was just late, as always.

Koizumi looked up at the clock and shrugged. "I know I should be accustomed to it by now, but still, can't help but wonder what she's doing…"

"Don't know, and for the sake of my mental health, kinda want it to stay that way." I yawned loudly, not caring how rude I appeared, especially not to Koizumi. I swear he loves hearing himself talk. If he'd gone on for another few minutes, I'd probably be asleep, even though I slept all the way through class today.

Now why was I so tired, you may ask? Well, let me fill you in. In short, I went shopping for a mouse. Easy, right? I wish. This is Haruhi we're talking about, so of course she wanted the most up-to-date, high tech, needlessly complicated gadget she could possibly find. We cross-shopped, cross-browsed, crossed the street, cross-dressed. And if you think I'm lying about that last one, believe me, I wish I was too. It felt like nine months before she finally settled on one that nearly broke my bank.

"Haruhi took you through a ringer yesterday, I assume?" My silence gave him his answer. "You looked so exhausted when you walked in, I'm surprised you even made it to school. But surprisingly, I'm finding myself quite envious. As much trouble handling the brigade is, it gives me something to do. I've actually been rather bored being sedentary all day."

"Let's switch."

Koizumi chuckled, shaking his head. "I can't help but think you're over-exaggerating your discontent. I know deep down inside, some part of you enjoy this as much as the rest of us."

I prop my head up with my arm. "Well, how about revealing where this part of me is so I can tell it to buzz off."

Koizumi merely shook his head. "If anything, I'm glad you haven't abandoned us, otherwise there'd be no way to control Haruhi."

"Like I said, I don't control her."

 _BAM_ "Dammit, Kyon!"

"Case in point. What did I do this time?" I stated more than asked.

Haruhi looked extra annoyed today. "Making decisions like this without me around! How dare you! I was gonna have Tsu take Mikuru's spot so we could do some actual filming today, but you set her up with that ugly-haired friend of yours! Did I give you permission to do that? What did I say about inter-brigade relationships!?"

I let my head fall to the table. Guess Tsuruya's in the brigade as well. She's going to be the death of me. Haruhi beelined for her seat and immediately turned on the computer. She looked up again, this time in confusion. "Where's Yuki?"

"She hasn't shown up yet. I thought she'd be with you." Koizumi said, making his presence known.

Haruhi looked a bit startled at the sound of his voice. "Koizumi? What are you doing here? Didn't I say you didn't have to come until Mikuru came back?"

Koizumi smiled sheepishly. "Well, yes, but I'd like to be present just in case any new developments arise in which case you'd need all the help you can get."

"Don't count on it." I said, almost knowing exactly what was about to happen. "Let me paint a familiar picture. Since her preferred torture victim isn't here, she'll try to evoke a response out of Yuki. But with her being absent as well, she won't have any outlet for her insanity, lest she settle on just berating me for mild inconveniences. And that'll get old pretty quick, so after about 30 minutes, she'll have nothing to do, get bored, and then leave abruptly, after stating her intent, of course. Am I missing anything?"

Haruhi chuckled. "A brain, for starters. If that was an attempt at a clairvoyance, you need to give it up. I'm gonna learn how to use _this_ baby!" She reached inside her bag and pulled out the new mouse, which looked more like a phone than a mouse. Seriously, why the numbers? "In fact, I'll probably be having so much fun with this that I won't even have any use for you! Not that you were of much use to begin with."

"If that's the case, then you wouldn't mind if we just leave?"

I could feel her gaze without even seeing it. Why do I even try?

"If we keep losing track of our members like this, we're gonna have to suspend the brigade. At least until that Mikuru gets back." She tossed her head back and groaned.

I was a bit relieved, but with Asahina missing in action, that left a very pent-up Haruhi with us. "We still haven't got any posters with Koizumi on them, and he _is_ the love interest. Wouldn't it make sense we have him in at least _one_ of our advertisements?" I offered.

"Hmm…nah. I'm thinking about reworking that anyway. Tsu said she's willing to take his place. Well, she _was_ willing until someone made an executive decision on my behalf."

Ignoring the last part, I sat up completely now. "Oh, you're actually going to have it be _that_ kind of story now? Well, it looks like last Saturday opened your mind up to new avenues of thinking. You have my absolute support, just say the word and I-"

Haruhi tried to give me a death glare, but the slight pink in her cheeks betrayed her expression. "This isn't for your viewing pleasure, it's just for a more interesting relationship that attracts a wider audience."

"Whatever way makes it sound acceptable to you. So, when's Nagato gonna get in on the action? Or is she reserved for you only?"

"Pervert. Keep at it and I'll give you a punishment that'll make world history." I couldn't see Haruhi's face from behind the computer, but I could practically hear her smile.

Looks like today's shaping up to be pretty uneventful. Or was at least. For about five minutes, Haruhi began practicing with her new cell phone of a mouse while listening to some fast rock music. Then I realized something about the role shifts didn't quite make sense. "Wait, didn't you say Tsuru was gonna sub-in as the magical nurse girl?"

She paused the music. "What's that? Oh, yeah. Why?"

"But she's also gonna be the new love interest…"

"That's the ticket." I waited a couple seconds for her to see the fault in this plan, but instead she simply continued singing along again. " _Yeah! Yeah! Oki-Doki Morning! Super…"_

"Is she supposed to date herself?"

" _Bouke-_ Ugh, what? Why would she do that?" She growled, having to pause her music again. Her brow was furrowed in confusion before it finally dawned on her. "Oh, right! I suppose we just won't use the scenes we shoot for now."

Koizumi meagerly raised his hand. "If you don't mind my asking, what about the scenes Ms. Asahina and I have already filmed?"

"We'll just delete them." Haruhi stated flatly.

Taken aback by her quick, harsh response, he laughed awkwardly. "I see. Of course."

"If we're not going to use the scenes we shoot without Asahina, then why shoot them in the first place?"

"Because, stupid! It's just a rehearsal shoot right now, so we'll be able to see how we want the scene to be shot and with what emotions and all that! That way, we won't just be improvising on the day we record the real thing!"

"That's a terr…wouldn't…huh, that actually makes a whole lot of sense." I dare say she was just making that sentence up as she said it, but I was thoroughly impressed.

She grit her teeth in frustration and violently brushed through her hair. "None of this would even be a problem, if only Mikuru hadn't skimped out on us! How exciting can calligraphy be that it warrants an entire club? And competitions? Seriously?! We haven't even entered one of those since that baseball game, and we barely had enough players to participate!"

Haruhi groaned with her head on the desk until she finally threw her head back in the chair and stood up. "Alright. You two do what you want. I'll be back."

And with that, she stormed off in a child-like rage out the door. How dare things not go her way? Absolutely unacceptable. I smirked as the door closed. "See, what did I say? Not even a half hour and already she's gone."

"Oh dear." Koizumi whined.

"Oh dear what?"

"Remember our friend, the closed space?"

"You're kidding. It's just a few days of hiatus."

He shook his head, straightening out his uniform. "It's not that that she's upset about. While it is definitely a small part of her frustration, it appears that Ms. Asahina's absence is especially getting under her skin. I've got to go, but I'll be back. Just wait here a sec." He opened the door to leave, but was surprised to see who else but Nagato, dressed up in her witch outfit, no less.

"Ms. Nagato! What a surprise! Mind if I ask where you were today?"

She remained silent, shifting her gaze towards me. Koizumi followed. "I understand. Please excuse me." He went off down the hallway, leaving me with Nagato.

She sat down in front of me, still silent. I started.

"Of all people to be late, I'd have thought that'd be impossible for you."

"I was busy."

"Is it a taboo to ask what you were busy with?"

"No."

"…okay?" I motion for her to continue.

"I was scanning myself for defects."

"Defects? Do your powers not work or something?"

She shook her head. "Allow me to explain. Haruhi Suzumiya and her feelings concerning you."

I interrupt, not wanting a repeat of yesterday's conversation. "I get it. She kinda digs me. I put that much together yesterday, and you also said the Data thing wasn't exactly the biggest of fans?"

Nagato looked downwards before continuing.

"I did tell you that the Entity was against her partaking in sexual activities due to her offspring gaining her powers. An error in my software made me tell you this information, when in reality the information I gave to you was not of absolute truth or an opinion of the Entity, but that made by the error that stemmed from my own software. The reasoning for this information error is not related to my code, nor is it explainable-"

"In human speak, please?"

"If we were using common terms, you would call it a bug."

"A bug? Is it an attack? Are you sick? Do you even get sick?"

"Yes. No. No. It is possible, though highly unlikely."

"Well, regardless, what was the wrong information you gave me again?"

"When I spoke of the Entity's unwillingness to allow Haruhi to commence in any romantic relationship, it was only partially true. I apologize for any trouble I may have caused relating to this. The Entity, while cautious of Haruhi's actions, do not believe the powers she has to be genetic and are most likely completely unique to her. The chance of her children garnering the same power is infinitesimal, and if they did, they would be of a lesser capacity that would be far less significant, assuming they can tap into their powers at all."

"Good news for me, then."

Nagato tilted her head, which was the third cutest thing I'd ever seen in my life. She blinked. "Why do you consider it good?"

Momentarily caught off-guard, I fumbled a bit before finding a reason. "Uh, not good per se- well it…it'd be bad if more than one of her existed. She's a handful enough as it is. Am I right?"

"Oh." She turned away from me and stared out the door, which in turn caused me to wait as well. Almost waiting for something to happen.

"So, about this bug. Is it still messing with stuff? Causing errors and whatnot?"

"Not present."

"Huh. So, it's just gone?"

"The scan showed no sign of the bug within my programming. Everything is working properly according to my data sets. It seems to have been a temporary anomaly that caused the malfunction. It is no longer present within me. Therefore, it was not an error."

At least it's gone now, but a bug that can cause a malfunction inside a powerful person like Nagato. The fact it even exists is scary enough, but now it leaves just as quickly as it came? Something's not adding up. "Could this bug perhaps be contagious?"

"You are at no risk of receiving said anomaly."

"Not talking about myself. I mean others like you. Could it infect one of them? Who's to say it won't crawl inside some other powerful alien and then they decide Haruhi's not giving enough information for them to study? It could be another Asakura waiting to happen, and I'd prefer the life-threatening situations to remain few and far between."

"Your life will never be threatened."

"Well, for now, but once that thing gets someone else-"

"There is no need for you to be alarmed. I have taken it upon myself to provide adequate protection for you against all threats. Even if another interface were to become infused with the error, because of my presence they would have no chance of bringing harm to you. I will ensure that the chances of your demise will always be at a constant 0%."

"…" I'm left almost speechless at her declaration. I don't think I've ever heard her speak with such conviction about anything.

"Heh, you'll make me blush. The amount of times you've saved us from ourselves, I don't think I'll ever be able to pay you back."

"There is no payment necessary. My services are not for sale."

In the silence that followed, we heard the distant chimes of clock tower telling us the 5th our was upon us. I also noticed the barely audible singing coming from the computer. Haruhi must have left the music on. I got up to turn it off completely, as that particular song had been prevalent for a while now, when I heard something that made me freeze.

"Oki-Doki Morning."

"You know it? You a fan, Nagato?"

"It is a well-known piece of music that has been stored in my databanks for approximately one month. I do listen to it on occasion. Is it not good to want to hear it?"

I was somewhat in awe of how cute it somehow sounded in monotone.

"Not really. Just more surprising you know about it at all."

She pulled out a phone, fairly small in size. "By way of a world-wide connection hub, I am able to find, see, and hear any type of information not in my database I please using this device. Instead of having information synced into my base, I have begun accessing the information in a more organic, human fashion, closer to how a one of you would acquire data."

"Be careful with what you see on there. A lot of stuff people say is fake, so you can't use it as a reliable source for most things."

Nagato stared blankly at her phone. "Interesting. To use such an advanced technology for the sole purpose of spreading misinformation."

"It's true. I got duped into believing a creepy doll was gonna haunt me unless I showed it to three other people. It's completely untrustworthy."

She shook her head once. "I believe that is a special case where your gullibility is at fault. It is without doubt very informative and helpful. In fact, I recently found that there is a vast array of compilations showing the many variations of the human reproductive ritual. I saved some videos as study examples on my mobile unit. See for yourself."

"Say what you want, I still think that-Gah! Nagato! Put that away! You can't show that...wait, how does that even work?"

At that moment, the door swung open and immediately green filled my peripherals. I subsequently got out of my chair and tried to get as far away as possible.

"Alright! What are we working with? Kyon!?" I had already begun my retreat towards the other side of the clubroom, but she was already locked on to me like a guided missile, and in a few short seconds, she had tackled me onto the floor.

"It feels like forever since we've last talked! Though it was literally only yesterday! By the way, that Tomiyachuga guy? Exactly what I'd thought he'd be like! What a loser! But he's so irresistibly cocky it's kinda a charm! Why are you always on the floor when I talk to you? Yuki! Is that por-"

"Yuki?!" Came a voice from outside the room. A second later, Haruhi peeked her head inside, confirming what she'd heard.

"Yuki! Where in the world were you?!" She marched up to the cosplaying witch, who still hadn't put away her phone, which Haruhi snatched in an instant. "Playing hooky and trying to sugar up to Kyon while I'm not looking, huh?! Trying to rise the ranks with personal favors? Well, it ain't happening sister! What were you two watching?"

Haruhi examined the image on the screen silently while I regained my senses from Tsuruya's attack. Haruhi looked at me not in contempt, but instead seemed mostly intigued by what she was seeing.

"How does that even work?"

"That's what I said."

"That's what she said." inserted another voice from outside the clubroom, this one easily recognizable. Taniguchi walked in with Koizumi at his side, no doubt bragging about his latest score with a certain green haired girl.

"Eugh, your hair really is ugly." Haruhi immediately stated, this time with actual contempt.

"Sticks and stones, baby doll." He replied calmly, as if he'd never had a better day in his life. "Anything you say doesn't even matter. I'm hot off the heels of a sweet date with…Tsu-ya! Baby! You said you loved me!" Taniguchi panicked as I noticed I hadn't even attempted to get her off me. Guess I've become used to being violently shoved and tackled lately.

"What's with this situation, Kyon!? Is Haruhi not enough for you anymore? You already have a great harem as it is, but now you're stealing the very girl you set me up with?!"

"I'm sure it's not like that. Probably her greeting was a bit, let's say, enthusiastic as usual?" Koizumi said coolly. Wait, did I just describe Koizumi as cool? Well, around Taniguchi, I guess anyone's 'cool'.

"Enthusiasm or not, non-brigade members aren't allowed in!" Haruhi exclaimed as she pushed him out the door.

"But Tsu-ya's not even part of your weirdo book club! If Tsu-ya's gonna be here, then I'm gonna be here t -"

 _SLAM_

Haruhi gave Yuki back her phone, then promptly grabbed Tsuru and took her to the front of the clubroom.

"Ahem! Now that we're all here, largely due to my efforts, we can finally proceed with today's plans! Tsu's gonna be taking Mikuru's spot for a while, meaning we can start shooting again! Come on, Tsu! I've got a wig based on Mikuru's hair that's just ready for you to wear!"

"Actually, Haru, you see…I can't." Tsuru said, rubbing a sudden itch on the back of her head.

"What? Why? Is it too small? We can go back and get a size up if you need it. I should've figured my head wouldn't be a good measure to go off of."

She gulped before continuing. "It's not that. So, you know how Mikuru's in that calligraphy competition at Kouyouen Academy? Well, I kinda sorta maybe promised her I'd help her in any way I can, since the calligraphy club has been in a bit of a rough patch lately, not to mention Mikuru's falling behind on some of her work in there. So I'm gonna be there with her to provide her a boost of confidence."

"Ah, I see." Her disposition downed slightly, but perked back up after a second. "Well, it's no biggie! We can continue after Wednesday! That way you won't have any-"

"Mikuru needs me to take care of her until Saturday, since she's gonna be sick afterwards as well."

Haruhi now looked completely defeated, limply holding the wig in her hands.

I tried to give some comfort to her. I mean, she needs something to get her hopes up for. "Listen, we can just have practicing editing again for this week and learn how to use that abomination of a mouse, and once Asahina's back, we'll continue next week. That way, not-"

"The art festival is all next week. I wouldn't be able to help you guys out." Tsuru's voice was barely audible now, growing quieter after each refutation.

"And since she wants to participate as well, neither would Mikuru."

Haruhi said nothing, merely sighing as she put the wig back in her bag.

"Sorry Haru!" She exclaimed, bowing apologetically. "I thought I mentioned it to Kyon before, but I guess I forgot what with the preparations and all!" Her excuse died out, sensing a need to stop talking.

"It's fine."

The room got a bit smaller, the limited space now making itself known.

"I'm really sorry! Believe me, Haru, if there was any way I could help you guys right now, I totally would! It's not that I don't li-"

"I said, it's fine." Haruhi re-affirmed. It was, in fact, not fine. "We can find other stuff to do until she decides to come back from her little _contest_." She emphasized the last word with spite coming through. She slumped into her chair and huffed, sitting there in the silence that ticked by ever so painfully slowly. In the end, she just opened the computer up and started drawing on the _Mikuru_ pictures again.

"Well…" Tsuru looked between me, Koizumi, and Nagato, nervously giggling to fill the way-too-quiet clubroom, unsure of what to say, before she instinctively settled on another "Sorry.", much to the further irritation of Haruhi.

"I already told you, it's fine! It's just-Ugh!"

Koizumi stepped in to ease relations. "I suppose it's true she has an obligation to fulfill in the calligraphy club, so it only makes sense she make good on it."

"She has an obligation to this one as well." She snarled. Well, at least you tried. Thanks Koizumi.

Tsuru had effectively shrunk into the corner, pushing her fingers together as she thought of a way to resolve the situation. "Haru, it's only two weeks. She really wants to do this, and the heart wants what the heart wants, right? You can think of other stuff to until then. Just be a little patient, and I promise you'll be back filming before you know it." She put a smile on, but there was no soul behind it. And once Haruhi gave her a sidelong glance, it disappeared again.

"Sorry."

Haruhi inhaled sharply, before uttering a breathy "Shut up."

Okay, enough of these dramatics. "Like Tsuru said, we can find another activity to do until Mikuru comes back. Haruhi, me and you can just talk about other stuff we can do with the club in class tomorrow."

Haruhi looked at me as if she were a tiger ready to strike. "Don't you start patronizing me! You still haven't figured out what we're going to do about this!"

"I'm not patronizing you; you're just being immature. And why would figuring that out be up to me?" I kept my voice at a level volume, hoping to de-escalate her thoroughly stirred up temperament.

She forcefully mashed her hands in her face. "You're part of this brigade, aren't you?"

"Which is why I'm offering my advice. You just need to accept it."

Haruhi pouted, not replying to my suggestion. Why must she be so difficult sometimes? "You say you're not patronizing me, but here you are talking down to me like I'm a child! Am I not allowed into the 'adults' conversation?"

"What are you talking about? Stop sulking and start trying to think rationally."

Koizumi tapped on my shoulder and lowered his voice to a whisper. "I think it'd be best if we just left for now. She'll calm down on her own. Best to let it resolve itself."

Hate to say it, but he's right. This isn't going anywhere, and I'd like to avoid repeating history.

"Koizumi. Sit down." Haruhi rather forcefully muttered.

Koizumi turned around, somewhat taken aback, but quickly recovering as he simply waved a hand to her in friendliness. "No worries! We're just going out to talk for a second. We'll be back-"

"I said sit down!"

Now his shock was seen by everyone. He looked at me expectantly, as if it's my job to reign her in. How many times did I have to tell him? It's getting annoying how much he's sticking to that idea.

"What're you looking at him for? I just gave you an order! And just what do you need to say that can't be said in front of everyone here? Is it one of those 'private moments' again? Talking behind my back all the time! I bet you're just laughing it up about this, huh? Boy, that Haruhi sure is dense! Let's make fun of her right when she's not here!"

It's also getting annoying how childish she's acting. I spoke up for Koizumi, who'd lost the ability to say anything in response to her outlandish claims. "Of course he's not doing that! Why would you think he'd do something like that? With all the time we've spent together, you should know him better."

She turned her seat towards the window, hands balled into a fist, taking a deep breath that slowly turned into a moan. "You're right. I shouldn't have gotten mad at you, Koizumi." Then, she slammed her fist down onto the table, making everyone except Nagato flinch.

"It's that damned stupid Mikuru's fault for putting her dumb art class over us! Does she have no respect for this brigade? After everything we've done, she has the audacity to leave us for such a trivial activity? She's so stupid sometimes!"

Tsuru had stayed on the sidelines this whole time, but became protective once her friend was thrown into the mix. "Haru! That's not the case at all! Mikuru values both these clubs! She just wanted to participate in the other this time!"

"Who said you were a part of this conversation? I don't remember asking for your input! And she shouldn't want to participate in such a stupid club so much! Not that it makes much of a difference, she's been nothing but useless this whole time anyway!"

"Useless? She does basically everything you say, even against her will! You have to give her some credit for that!"

"I decide whether or not anyone in this brigade gets credit or not, not you. She's so cowardly that even if we get her to agree with anything, her personality just drags it all down anyway!"

"Then get a different actress! After you basically kidnapped her, groped her, and brought her to the point of tears because **you** almost forced her to quit something she's built up for probably years, you think she wants any part in anything you do? No wonder she wants to get away from you!" It became clear to everyone that Tsuru was quickly becoming enraged, now raising her voice to match Haruhi's.

"You seem pretty uppity about this. Why didn't you stop it before? Some friend you are."

Tsuru looked away from Haruhi, from what I thought was anger, but I saw her wipe away some water from around her eyes.

"Because I thought you were the right person to entrust her to! I thought you could help her become more outgoing and social! Kyon was right about you before…"

"You better be careful what you say next!"

She's treading on thin ice now. Ice that won't hold up under the rapidly rising fire at this rate. I have to stop this. I _need_ to stop this! I'm a bit afraid what will happen if I do. Especially after what Tsuru just said. But I can't stand here idly! I could…no. After Tsuruya said that, it's impossible for me to say anything without adding fuel. I can't do anything. If there was a chance before, I missed it. But someone else could do something! Koizumi! No, Haruhi already shot him down, and he's too timid to go against her again. Nagato? I shot her a look that she returned in kind. Not her either. Without a direct command, she's lost, or worse, she'd misinterpret. Maybe if she tackled someone and gave us some comic relief? No, that would just postpone everything and leave us with a terrible conclusion. If we left it unresolved, Mikuru and Tsuruya would never set foot in here again.

"You know, now that I think about it, you aren't an official member of this club, are you? Maybe you should see your way out. You're about as useless as Mikuru anyway."

I felt the wind before I saw the cause. One second she was by me, the next thing I know, Nagato had already whisked by and tackled Tsuru from getting any closer to the brown-haired girl, except somehow Tsuru stayed on her feet, even putting up a struggle against the over-powered alien. It gave me serious de-ja vu seeing it from the outside. It was similar to when Koizumi had to hold me back not long ago.

More importantly, I had to do something now, regardless of whether or not they ever spoke again. "Haruhi, you know you didn't mean any of that. How about we just leave for a sec and come back when things have cooled down? Nothing's being accomplished by just insulting Asahina like that. You're not acting like yourself. You know it. You'd never say that about-"

"Tsuruya, you're dismissed. Nagato, if you could show her the door."

"Tsuruya, I think it's best if…" I called out before glancing over to Tsuru, who's face had now begun welling up with tears.

Koizumi looked as if he wanted to help, but he held back at the sight of Tsuruya. Surely, she couldn't best him if he was at his strongest. He restrained me, so why was he so hesitant now?

Tsuru stopped trying to wrestle herself out of Nagato's grip, who still refused to let go. "Fine. Have it your way." She said much more calmly, getting a handle on her emotions. Good thing someone's mature here. And it's surprisingly the crazy one. Or crazier one, perhaps?

I grabbed Nagato's arms, compelling her to release her iron hold. "Sorry, Tsuru. She's just a bit riled up."

"I know. I was too. I know it can't be easy when one of your friends drops you cold." She straightened herself out and began walking towards the door, mumbling under her breath, "Even if you deserve it."

"Tsuruya." Haruhi called out before her hand touched the doorknob. Though she didn't turn around, she stopped, allowing Haruhi to speak one last time. Haruhi faced the door as well, momentarily looking at me not quite in guilt, but far from pride. She turned to gaze towards the back of Tsuruya's head, almost dead-set on not making eye contact with me.

"When you get the chance, tell that whiny bitch her membership is terminated as well."

Fast. Lightning fast. I'd only seen a similar speed from Koizumi when he was attacking the giants. Tsuruya shoved Koizumi out of her way, who had tried to hold her back. Into the wall I went as she deftly went around Nagato and advanced upon Haruhi, now absolutely livid. Haruhi had clearly anticipated this, though it seems she was not ready for the sheer speed Tsuruya had. Immediately Nagato began chanting under her breath. Not good. Very not good.

"Tsuruya! Nagato!" Damn! I tried, but I knew. Nagato was already shooting out, closing the distance in an instant. I saw a metallic light coming from Nagato's hands as Haruhi pushed the chair into Tsuruya's knee, though she managed to grab Haruhi's shirt and rear back her left hand.

"Wanna rephrase whatever the hell you just-"

"BAHAHA! THE THINGS PEOPLE WILL DO! GAHAHA!"

At that second, the door opened up, with Taniguchi laughing his head off at something.

"Tsu-ya! Everyone! Come quick! You've gotta see! There's some dude in an alien costume on the street dancing like a maniac!"

Yuki immediately cast away any thoughts about the previous events and dashed out to attack the offender, uttering one single sentence: "All your base are belong to us."

Taniguchi was nearly knocked down by the sheer speed. "Someone's excited! Well, what are you all waiting for? Come on, before you miss it!"

Koizumi turned towards Haruhi, who had viciously shoved Tsuru off of her and was now facing the window away from everyone. He shrugged at me and went with him, with Tsuru close behind, who made a point to not look at anyone on her way out.

Guess someone's gotta pull Nagato back in when all's said and done. Seriously, Taniguchi? This is the worst possible time to barge in with your stupidity-laden- "Oof!"

I looked down to see his hand blocking me from leaving the doorway. Now _I'm_ pissed off. "Could you have chosen a worse time?" I half-whispered, half-spat.

"In fact, I think I chose the perfect time. I love a catfight as much as the next guy, but I'd like to keep Tsu-ya to myself as long as possible. And I think you share the feeling with her." He said, pointing right at me, and then back into the clubroom, where Haruhi still stood.

My eyes lit up with realization.

"…you slimy octopus."

"Seriously, save it for the bedroom, I could hear you guys out here! Go get your girl." Taniguchi joked, slapping my back and pushing me into the room once again.

I smiled at him, my unexpected savior. "Thanks!"

I watched as he ran after the others, making a mental note to tell him about Tsuruya's love for obscure, foreign instruments. I closed the door behind me, with just me and Haruhi inside, who I was still fairly miffed at.

"Kyon, why does that dumb calligraphy contest even exist? Why's Mikuru so interested in such a pitiful hobby in the first place?"

I saw where Nagato stood a pair of handcuffs ready to be used. I tossed them from the floor at her head, which collided squarely with its target, subsequently bouncing on the floor. "You really have a way of pissing people off in absurd ways, you know that? Don't insult other people's hobbies, you moron. Don't insult other people period. Did you hear what you were saying back there? Not exactly a stellar performance, if I'm allowed to say."

"Ow! Tch, didn't even know we had props like these, and why does it matter? Mikuru should see that this club is far better than just writing a bunch of lines and making them look pretty. Any idiot can do that."

"Isn't that what everyone thought about you when you first started looking for supernatural beings? What if people called you an idiot for that? How would you feel if someone said 'Hey, this club is stupid. It doesn't have a purpose that's realistic, and it's leader probably never had marbles to lose in the first place. She's delusional, crazy, and just a huge hassle to deal with. It's best to not try at all with her.'"

Haruhi blew out from the side of her mouth before answering. "I wouldn't listen to them, duh. They don't understand what it's actually like. If they understood how much work I put into this, they wouldn't be saying all that."

"Right. And isn't it fair that Asahina feel the same way? No way she was gonna just up and quit the thing she's spent a lot of time developing and learning just because some thick-headed coconut told her to."

"Yeah well…She-Ugh! Why do you have to make so much sense? Don't make me empathize with her. Who's side are you on, anyway?" She let her head fall onto the desk, nearly bashing the mouse in. I saw the water coming forth in her eyes, so it was probably an excuse to not let me see her break, and I don't plan to see that anyway.

"The side who uses their brains. And how thick is that skull of yours? Do it again and that desk's gonna be reduced to atoms, and I'm gonna be reduced to cents if you break another one of these. You know how much this thing cost? Just because you wanted it to be wireless. Jeez." I held the mouse in my hands, the weight catching me off guard. This thing's almost as heavy as the monitor! What's inside this thing? "This thing really does look like a phone. What's the purpose of all the numbers and buttons?"

"Right here." Haruhi took the mouse away from me, lifting her head up after some aggressive wiping. I turned my attention towards the screen, at this point noticing a very warped picture of Asahina, definitely made in her anger. I swear, Haruhi's such a child.

"Watch this." Haruhi then instantly undid everything to the picture without even using a button or the hotkeys.

"Whoa, how'd you do that?"

"Well, if you read the manual, these side buttons go forward and back, meaning if I mess-up, I can undo it, and if I delete something, I can just as easily re-do it."

"Okay, that's a feature found on a lot of mice that are way cheaper. Not that impressive." I slightly egged her on to try and amaze me with this overpriced contraption.

Haruhi started smiling again, the natural enthusiasm in her voice slowly returning now that she was becoming passionate with the device. "See these numbers you were talking about?"

"The completely unnecessary ones, yes?"

"I've assigned each number a different color so that you have all the colors you want to use the most on speed dial, and that's not even the crazy part. Say I want to turn the bottom part of her hair a different color for effect, but we don't have any dye. Well, I outline her hair completely, then when you hold the outline tool as well as a color-assigned number…"

"You instantly ruin the hair and turn it all purple."

"Or so you'd think! Hold the outlined shape, press a number, drag, and!" Slowly, she colored in only the dragged parts of the outline purple, while the rest of it stayed the same. She moved the cursor up and down, the color moving with it. It was essentially a shaped gradient tool. That's some advanced technology right there. To be honest, I was impressed with the number-color assignments, but this blew me away.

"What? Gimme that!" I snatched it away, and did the same, and as she said, it worked flawlessly. Too flawlessly. This doesn't belong in a high school club, it belongs in a design studio.

"I take it you're impressed with it, huh? And you wanted the cheap wired one! Gimme this, gimme that, so rude!" Haruhi playfully teased.

"Hey, I think the mouse should stay at my house, since I bought it and everything. It only seems fair that it-"

"Hands off, you crustaceous cheapskate! This was bought of, by and for the servation of the S.O.S. Brigade's own purposes! I dare those computer chumps to ever mess with us again now that we have this on our side!"

Withholding the fact servation isn't a word and that Yuki is more than enough against small fry like them, that thing's definitely worth it's money. "Y'know, maybe I'll start staying late just to see what else it can do. Tsu's gonna freak when she sees this!"

She smiled to herself, looking at the picture of Asahina with a much happier expression. Then it turned more solemn as time went on. She turned towards me as if to say something, but the words got caught in her throat.

"Did you want to say something?"

She began playing with her hair, twirling it around her finger until it wound tightly around her digit. "I'm gonna have to apologize to them later…"

"Absolutely. Only makes sense, considering you antagonized both Tsuru and Asahina. And one towards Koizumi wouldn't hurt either. That was pretty rough what you were saying to him. I'm starting to think your head really is a coconut and half of your brain is just milk." I chastised her as I lightly bopped her again.

She cringed at the sound of Tsuru's name. "Ugh, Especially Tsu…I really screwed up with her."

"Tsuru was pretty understanding of how you felt, even considering what you said at the end. I assume she's more eager to right things with you than hold a grudge."

"Mikuru...could've at least told me something in advance." She clumped her hands around her head. "Still, why did I say that stuff? I didn't even mean any-"

I bump her with a fist, then give a smile once she peeks out from behind her hand cave. "Hey, if you want to apologize to anyone, I've been quite stressed with the workload you've been working me with lately, so an apology to me would also be accepted as well."

She guffawed. "Apologize? To you? Nah! You deserve everything you get! This mouse doesn't even begin to cover the cost of all the late penalties you've racked up!"

She gave a sigh and looked at her lap. I wondered what it was she was staring at until I realized some blush was becoming apparent.

"Thinking about Nagato?"

It intensified. Cute! "No! Stop looking at me like that, creep! You make it so hard to be nice to you. I just…wanted to say thanks is all. You helped a lot, and I…appreciate it. And you, I guess." She played with her hair again, this time tugging on small masses of it repeatedly.

"What was that? You appreciate who? I? Well, it's about time I get my due recognition around here." Though I do have to give half the credit to Taniguchi as well. What a solid I owe that guy.

She groaned, but this time out of exasperation. Her mood had definitely taken an upswing. She bared her teeth in a wide grin. "I retract my previous statement. You're an idiot."

With her mirth being contagious, we started laughing together for a while. After all the previous events, it felt good to be able to do that again.

"Say Haruhi, since I still have some penalties to clean up, how about we go out and get lunch together sometime this week? Just you and me? I'd rather not hear about Koizumi's theories on God-knows-what."

Haruhi sparked up, but tried to hide it, though the reddening of her face all but betrayed her. "As long as you're paying, I suppose a private meeting discussing your rather flippant conduct is in need. I'll allow it."

Now, I know that this may seem like I'm going easy on her, but knowing Haruhi, this is gonna eat at her for weeks after. I don't like kicking a dog while it's down, so I'll give her a little respite out of this.

And I'm admittedly a little smitten with her for now.

"I'm free this Saturday. We'll set the date for then. Sound good?"

"You're lucky my schedule happens to be open that day." She blushed even harder now, her pale cheeks now similar in color to that of a tomato. She started stroking the mouse for the sake of having something to fidget with.

"Wanna bring it along?" I said teasingly. "You seem more interested in it than me. Remember, I need to use that too. If your relationship with it gets serious, at least buy your own if you plan to-"

"Get your mind out of the gutter, Caligula."

"Ah, I do remember that man saying it had a vibration motor inside."

"Shut up! Stupid! Insufferable! You're worse than that ugly-haired kid! Speaking of which, where are they?

" _AHHH! SHE'S CRAZY!"_

As if on cue, a piercing scream prompted me and Haruhi to open the window outside, being treated to the sight of Koizumi and Taniguchi struggling to get Yuki off a middle-aged man in a frog costume. Tsuru had, of course, been reduced to a giggle factory, rolling around laughing at the scene.

"Resistance is futile. Your species is equivalent to that of mollusks."

"Yuki! That's gold!" Haruhi shouted out the window. "I wish I had a camera right now!"

"Kyon! A little help?" Koizumi yelled from down below, being shrugged off onto the ground by Nagato as if he was a fly.

I shook my head in amusement. Some things never change. Honestly, I'm not complaining. "I'll be right down!" I yelled back.

"If we showed this mouse to Mikuru, I bet she'd fall in love with it at first sight." Haruhi had begun calligraphing on a blank canvas. Quite well, I must say. "You know what that character means?" She asked.

"Uh, let me think. It represents the will to live, a never-ending, impervious, inextinguishable desire that trumps all others."

Haruhi smirked. "No, it means pervert. Which is what you are. Pervert." I rolled my eyes, to which she stuck her tongue out in response.

"Truth be told, it ain't half-bad. Not even a fourth-bad. I bet you'd win at least 3rd place with just this in that competition they're having. How's that for showing them up?" I laughed to myself, by myself.

"Haruhi?" I look at her, only to see a smile I hadn't seen in a while, a smile I knew all too well. A very exhaustive, tiring, 'I shouldn't have said that' smile.

"That's not a bad idea, Kyon."

"…may I retract _my_ previous statement?"

* * *

"WE'RE ENTERING THE COMPETITION!"

Haruhi yelled as she practically burst into Kouyouen Gymnasium, which was where most of the clubs had taken purchase. At least a hundred students were in here, with even more art supplies to account for that.

A collective " _SHHHHH!"_ came from the gym, to which Haruhi took up arms against.

"Silence? In an art contest!? What kind of environment is this that stifles creativity? Silence in an artists' presence is a sign that they're not an artist! Well, you know what they say, failure is the mother of intervention!"

Haruhi leapt toward a stage near the front, where she then grabbed a mic out of an adult's hand. "Thank you, sir!" The man had no idea what to say, though he didn't seem too troubled.

Needless to say, the rest of us tried to look as inconspicuous as could be, even though Nagato's outfit made that almost impossible. Thank God Haruhi knows how to steal a show. Literally.

"So, why'd _you_ come again?" I whispered to Taniguchi, who'd decided he was a part of the club, though not if I had anything to say about it.

"Well, Kyon, considering it was thanks to me that you and Suzumiya got back together, I realized how nice it was to see my best friend so happy. It inspired me to get into this whole art thing and express my true gratitude towards you as a friend in the form of the ancient Chinese artwork, calligraphy!"

I looked at him with a deadpan expression.

"That, and Tsu-ya's here, so…"

"Oh, that reminds me. There's a store by the electronics store that Tsuru frequents with obscure instruments. Her birthday's Dec 6th…"

I was nearly crushed to death by the strength of his hug. "Thank you Thank you Thank you! Kyon, you're gonna be my best man at our wedding!"

"Tch! Like it'll happen."

Koizumi had been ordered to pack any items necessary and bring them here, meaning he wouldn't be here for half an hour. Which means one of our voices of reason was gone. With Tsuru and Taniguchi here as well, these were indeed turbulent times.

" **MIKURU!"** Haruhi's voice boomed out over the loud speaker. " **PLEASE RAISE YOUR HAND NOW!"**

Yeah, great idea. Ask the timid, shy girl who can barely speak to her own friends, to single herself out in front of hundreds of people. That'll work.

An old woman probably in her 50's walked towards the stage. "Young woman! Give me that this instant! This is an institution of learning and we will not be distracted by your shenanigans!"

"Hmm? Aw I'm sure it's fine! I'll only be in your hair for a minute!"

The woman got up on stage and attempted to coax the mic away from Haruhi. "I appreciate your honesty, but that's unfortunately a minute we can't spare, so if you'd please just…give that here." I saw her whisper say something into a walkie talkie.

Taniguchi whispered in my ear. "This looks like it's getting bad."

"Sure does."

"As in, she needs help?"

"Probably."

"Kyon, I really think you-"

"Nuh-uh." And jeopardize my anonymity? No thanks. I've done my fill of work for today.

Tsuru tried to pull Haruhi away. "C'mon Haru! We don't need it, anyway! I know exactly where-"

"No, Tsu! I have my rights! They won't be taken away from me!"

The other male teacher looked like he wanted to help, but I also saw a slight grin appearing. The older woman was starting to become a little more forceful in her attempts to grab the mic out of Haruhi's hands. By now the entire gymnasium had stopped working to watch the ongoing spectacle. Some were even taking Haruhi's side. Wrongfully so, but still.

The woman nearly managed to grab the mic out of her hands. "Okay! That's enough! You'll hand me that right now, or else you'll be escorted off the premises!"

Taniguchi whispered again. "Looks like they plan to do that anyway. Look over there." He pointed out at an officer coming for the stage. "I really think you should put an end to this."

He's right. At this rate, nothing will be gained from this besides a restraining order. But at the same time, I'm kinda interested in where this is headed.

"Okay, young woman, I've had it! You'll give me that microphone or else there will be severe consequences for this!"

"Shut up, you old bag!" Haruhi finally shook the woman off and ran across the gym.

The officer began picking up speed at the sight of the teacher being shoved away. "Halt! Stop your actions at once!"

"Hey, how did it turn off? Miku- **THERE WE GO! MIKURU! MIKUR- _THERE YOU ARE!"_**

"eep!" A very frightened Asahina was sitting with a slightly worried looking Tsuru, who had found her long before Haruhi.

Haruhi beelined toward the red-haired girl with conviction rivaling that of even those who'd wish to reform society.

"Mikuru!"

She tensed up, waiting for Haruhi's onslaught.

"Why didn't you say something! If we knew how much it meant to you, of course we would've supported your artistic endeavors!" Haruhi embraced the busty- I mean small girl in an almost motherly hug, though Asahina tried to no avail to push her away.

Tsuru chimed in. "Totally! We could've helped out from the beginning, though _this_ is gonna be a problem." She pointed towards the rest of Mikuru's classmates. "Sorry, can we steal Mikuru from you guys? I know it's sudden but it's still only the second day! Tell you what! You can have me as her substitute!"

Haruhi immediately voiced her opposition. "What! No way! The whole brigade's in this, or we're not in this at all!" Once again, they're close as if nothing ever happened. I figured as much, though Tsuru being a permanent member's gonna take some getting used to. I hear back brace prices have dropped recently.

Haruhi continued on. "This isn't some fun little side project you just use to waste time with. This is a devotion! A devotion that we in the club will absolutely see through with you!" Is she making this up? This isn't making any sense whatsoever.

Mikuru's classmates started to stand up for her, but she kept them back, a look of understanding being shared between them. Mikuru walked towards Haruhi, determination etched onto her face. Heh, etched. I apologize, I've got art on the mind.

"Haruhi. I-uh…I love art…uh especially calligraphy! Or, you know…I don't care if you don't! It matters to me, and if y-you don't like it, then go ahead and drop me out of the brigade!"

Wait, but wouldn't that jeopardize your mission to study her? I suppose she could work from afar. Most likely she's talking on emotions.

The old woman had had enough of this. She tapped the officer on his badge. "What are you doing? She's over there! Get her out of here!"

The male teacher from before had other plans. "Wait, don't you see what's going on?"

"Insubordination?"

"Words that needed to be said finally being put on the forefront! The misunderstanding between friends being cleared. Never have I seen such beautiful chemistry even in the works of Shakespeare himself! Surely you can excuse her for just using a PA system, and let this glorious moment play out?" The man was clearly one for theatre, and had been enthralled in the drama unfolding before him.

The woman was still ruffled. "Mr. Doramako, if you think I'm going to let her get away with insulting me, you're quite mistaken!"

Haruhi's exclamation came to the front of my mind.

 _Shut up, you old bag!_

"Pfft…"

"Kyon, you okay?"

I held back my laughter, not wanting to draw attention to myself. "Yeah, just fine."

Meanwhile, Haruhi was still debating with Mikuru. "I'm sorry, Haruhi, but…" She looked around at her classmates, who gave her reaffirming nods. "The calligraphy club are my friends, too. And they actually listen to me! And uh…support me, and everything else! Which you haven't really done that much! Oh, goodness. Sorry for yelling."

"But I'd love to support y-"

"NOOOOO!" a shriek from behind Haruhi made her jolt. It came from another girl who was from Mikuru's class.

After she regained her breath, Haruhi berated the distressed girl. "What's wrong with you? You almost gave me a heart attack!"

"That creepy witch girl is standing on my drawings! Specifically, my bases for next week's art festival!"

Yuki suddenly looked towards the girl speaking about her. "Bases."

Bases? Why would she be interested- Wait! Crap! Double crap! I tried to speed-walk over so as not to draw attention to myself, but it was too late.

"Nagato! Wait!"

Asahina turned towards me at the sound of my voice. "Kyon? What are you-" She was cut off from the rest of her question by the ruffling of papers. Nagato had repossessed all the offending drawings and held them out in front of her.

"All your bases…belong to us."

The girl on the ground began to rise from her sitting position, but upon seeing the blank stare upon Nagato's face, immediately aborted her operation.

"You know what? I didn't need those anyway. Go on, they're yours."

"I've seen enough! Let's go!" The officer grabbed Haruhi and tried to shove her out the gymnasium. "You two as well!"

Taniguchi and I looked up in shock. "Us?" We said simultaneously. "What did we do?"

"I saw you enter with her. You're a part of her gang, aren't you? Here to cause trouble and ruin the art festival!"

" ** _MIKURU!"_** Haruhi's voice boomed around the gym. Forgot she still had that. Why did she have that? Was it necessary? She pulled out a sheet of paper and began reading from it.

 ** _"Let me go! Mikuru…I made the brigade to hang out with supernatural beings, and not to be crass, but those breasts are definitely supernatural! I'm sorry I made you quit your club, but I didn't know how much it mattered to you! We're not trying to drive you away from what you love! We want to be a part of it! Ugh, this is so cheesy out loud, Kyon! What was it that one king said! Ask not what you can do for your brigade, but ask what your brigade can do for you!"_**

Asahina stood there for a moment, either not knowing what to say, or just in fear that the entire gym was waiting for her response, especially the Doramako teacher, who was now leaning forward with apt attention on them. Finally, a meek response came.

"Even if you…say all that…still." Either at Haruhi's declaration or her completely broken misquote that was wrong on all levels, a smile began to creep onto her face.

The officer was now at his wits end. "Enough! Someone, call a teacher!" What do you mean 'call a teacher'!? You're a policeman!

"What was that, young man? So you _are_ in on this!"

Oops. Guess I said that out loud. How come I can't monologue in peace?

Meanwhile, Mikuru still hadn't said anything else, which Haruhi took for a no. She turned to us for backup. **_" Koizu- wait…"_** She looked at me and Taniguchi, but made a mocking disgusted expression. ** _"Yuki! Show her your stuff!"_**

Nagato looked at Haruhi, then towards me. As if I had any idea what she wanted.

Nagato then looked towards the rest of Mikuru's friends. Still holding the sketches, she repeated:

"Your bases belong to us. We have taken what we want. Do not oppose us. We may have come in peace, but we will leave you in pieces."

Absolute silence. And terror. And confusion. And exhaustion. That last one's probably just me.

"Told ya. You should've stepped in."

Koizumi released a huge breath of exhaustion as he released all the heavy baggage he'd been carrying.

"I was almost… to the school as well. It's gotta be…half a kilometer from here." He said, panting with every sentence.

"Welcome to the club." I replied, not feeling an ounce of sympathy. You know how many times I've had to lug Haruhi's stuff around, usually much heavier than that?

Haruhi ruffled her hair with vigor. "That hag! We wouldn't be back here if she was able to take criticism well!"

"You caused a ruckus and started what we're lucky doesn't constitute as assault. Pretty sure she's in the right on this one."

"I don't care how 'right' she is! When I'm done with her there won't be any part of her that's _left!_ "

"Once again, pretty sure that would be assault."

"I apologize for losing possession of the bases." Nagato looked genuinely disappointed as she stared downwards at the floor in her seat.

I chuckled inwardly at Nagato's apprehension of the girl's pictures. She's starting to really take to this alien-witch persona. Almost makes me want to start filming again just so we can get some of these amazing moments on tape.

Haruhi had gone back to drawing with the mouse, though with much less energy this time. "It doesn't matter. That officer forced us to leave anyway, so not much we could do. I don't know what that women's problem was."

I could think of several of those woman's problems. All of them beginning with H- and ending with -aruhi. "In any case, let's count our blessings and be grateful we're not in detention or something." I looked around the clubroom, noticing an absence. "Where's Tsuruya?"

Haruhi sighed. "She did say she'd be supporting Mikuru in the contest."

Talk about back at square one. At least I know where she is. I'd like to know her location as much as I possibly can. I'm not exactly a football player and I prefer to stay upright.

 _Click_

The sound of the door being opened drew our attention, and we saw a proud Tsuru standing there beside Taniguchi, who looked like he'd won a participation trophy in a race.

Tsuru called out to someone else. "C'mon, she's waiting for ya!"

A few seconds later, a nervous Asahina appeared in the doorway. She looked at Haruhi, whom she quickly looked away from afterwards. "Uhm…h-hi everyone…uh…" She glanced towards Tsuru, begging for help.

"The paper!" Tsuru loudly whispered.

"Oh! Yes!" Asahina quickly removed an envelope from her pocket, then tried to enter the room. I say tried, because she made several attempts, but failed every time, almost wanting to run away after each one.

"Mikuru." Haruhi's stern voice called out to her, and once her gaze was met, Haruhi simply nodded at her, as if confirming her permission to enter.

The shy girl stood open-mouth for a second, then returned the gesture, finally stepping foot into the clubroom after nearly a week. She payed none of us any mind, her main target clearly being the girl at the head of the table.

Once she reached her destination beside Haruhi, she bent down and thrust the envelope towards her. "Here, for you!"

Haruhi looked somewhat surprised, but then smirked at the girl. "That forwardness. I like it!" She took paper out of her hands and opened it up, her facial expression immediately falling.

"Hmm. A withdrawal. I understand your decision, then."

"Mm-Hmm!" Mikuru stood straight up smiling, then suddenly opened her eyes in alarm. "Wait what? Nonononono! That wasn't the one!" She took the paper out of Haruhi's hands and reached in her other pocket, this time pulling out a purple document.

Mikuru giggled to herself, then presented this letter to her. "This one! For real, this time!"

Haruhi opened it, her face now brightening up. She stood to her feet and read the note out loud. "Ahem! We have discussed this internally amongst the board and, in spite of the trouble you caused this evening, we have decided to accept the S.O.S brigade's-That's us! –late entry into the 7th annual calligraphy competition! Your station is room 77 on floor 2. Enjoy your stay, and let the art flow through you!"

Tsuru practically jumped for joy. "Isn't it great!? Mikuru even convinced that old woman to give us a second chance! She's such a sweetie, even crabapples like her can't resist!" She rushed in to give Asahina a hug, which could double as a chokehold.

Haruhi beamed at me. Oh no. "Get ready luggage boy! We're taking this outfit to Kouyouen Academy!"

"What? Me? Didn't Koizumi bri-" I looked for any sign of him before noticing him walking out the door, briskly I might add. Lazy snob.

"Ugh, fine. Let's get this over with."

"Hey, Mikuru!" After she had to practically pry Tsuru off of the poor little girl, Haruhi started untying her ribbon. "I want you to wear this, as thanks for this! It sucks that you're stuck in your team, but you've done more than enough!" She handed the yellow cloth to her. "Think of it as a truce between same-school teams!"

"That's nice and all, but, I actually…uh don't really…have a team right now." She gave the ribbon back to Haruhi.

Now I was a bit lost. "What? You had a team." I said, perplexed. "With the calligraphy club. Weren't you with them?"

"Remember that withdrawal?" Taniguchi tauntingly said.

"What about it? That wasn't for-oh…Oh!" It hit me. I looked at Asahina in amazement. "You…"

She turned towards me and smiled. "Don't keep me waiting, alright?"


End file.
